I am a 55-year-old woman and have been with my male partner since I was 22. I love him, like him and we still have an active sex life. However, I have become more and more sure in recent years that I am much more attracted to women. I had sexual experiences with women long ago and feelings of need and loss around this part of my identity are really hitting me now. I am less attracted to my partner, which makes me sad, as he is an attentive and caring lover. He is also monogamous, although he knows to some extent how I feel. I am not sure what I want or what to do. •When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. •If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. •All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.