have been in a mostly happy and loving relationship for just over a year now. We are in our late 20s and often speak about spending the rest of our lives together. However, he has a problem that irks me beyond belief: he stares at (pretty) women incessantly, to the point where he zones out of our conversations to look at them. They are usually incredibly different looking to me and when we are out and about, I am constantly aware of women that he may check out, and find myself bracing for when he does. We’ve discussed the situation many times, and he says it doesn’t mean he loves and respects me any less, it is just something he does and could stem from him being single for a long time (two years prior to our relationship). To me, this is utterly disrespectful, lecherous and kind of creepy behaviour. I don’t know if this is something I can possibly get over and ignore for ever, or if it is something we should split up over. • When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. • If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. • All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms