aised in Sheffield, Heaton, 57, founded the Housemartins in the early eighties. They had hit singles with Happy Hour and Caravan Of Love before splitting in 1988. Heaton then formed the Beautiful South, releasing 10 albums before disbanding in 2007. With former band member Jacqui Abbott, Heaton has released three albums, the most recent being Manchester Calling. He is married with three children and lives in Manchester. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Forgetfulness. What is the trait you most deplore in others? False kindness. Aside from a property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought? My first car, three years ago – a Toyota Verso. What is your most treasured possession? My pop charts: a monthly Top 20 of my favourite music dating back to the late seventies. What makes you unhappy? The deterioration of the planet by human meanness. What do you most dislike about your appearance? The whole of my top half from the waist up, including my face. I make up for that with a pair of pins to die for! What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you? One review said, “You know where he lives, now go and kill him.” I was reading it in my house at the time. I went to the window, pulled the curtains to one side, checked the street and went back to picking my nose. What is your guiltiest pleasure? I refuse to do any interviews or work between 1.45pm and 2.15pm because of my love of BBC’s Doctors. What does love feel like? Like someone is hitting your heart with a cricket bat. What was the best kiss of your life? That one where you go into the corner by yourself and pretend (by putting your own arms behind your back) that you’re smooching with someone. That’s always there in times of difficulty, and is used to make my wife jealous after disagreements. Have you ever said “I love you” without meaning it? I’ve said it and regretted it, but never without meaning it. Who would you invite to your dream dinner party? I’ve never been invited to or staged a dinner party, and I don’t intend to start. My heroes and heroines can eat at their own houses with their own mates. When did you last cry, and why? Today, at the thought of this awful virus killing more and more people. How often do you have sex? Hourly. What is the closest you’ve come to death? Again, too many times to mention, but probably being swung from the balcony at the top of the Columbia hotel in London by the bodyguard of a Saudi Arabian princess was fairly close. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Making songs that are more famous than me. What is the most important lesson life has taught you? Don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Where would you most like to be right now? Cycling to one of my favourite little places in Holland.