y partner has been living a double life. Recently, he was checking his emails on my laptop, but didn’t log out. I discovered that he has been seeing another woman for years. He has been spending half of his time living at hers. We previously broke up because he was cheating on me. His behaviour towards me can only be described as psychologically abusive. To the outside world, he is the life and soul of the party, but the real him is very different. He is very controlling, checks my mobile phone and constantly makes cruel remarks. While he has been treating me badly, he has been treating her much better; when I was having radiotherapy for breast cancer, they went on holiday together. When I confronted him, he initially denied everything. A couple of weeks later, he started texting me again, as if nothing had happened. I feel ashamed that I put up with his abuse, but my overriding emotion is anger. How can I stop thinking about him and the other woman, and be happy? When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.