ou know what sure would help a lot? Taking a break from all our worries. But with zero chance of a lock-in during lockdown, the closest we can get is clinking our glasses against a nearby screen. So which TV local should you consider frequenting? Here’s a Camra-ready rundown … Rovers Return Inn Everyone probably has a personal favourite in the soap opera bottle royale but the Queen Vic seems to run endlessly hot with punch-ups and affairs. Compare that to Coronation Street’s local pub-hub, a homely haven where Newton and Ridley beer flows as freely as the gossip. Just don’t think about the shotgun incident that unfolded over Christmas. Moe’s Tavern This Springfield perennial has lasted more than three decades because it landed on a formula and stuck with it: sudsy Duff beer, consistent (if terrible) hygiene and the comforting presence of belching barfly Barney. It shows the value of not chasing every hip new trend, except for all those episodes of The Simpsons where Moe chases some hip new trend. The Winchester Club Forget Del Boy’s fave The Nag’s Head: too bright, too busy. If you are a grey-economy impresario looking for a watering hole with a little privacy, Arthur Daley’s preferred haunt – with its nominal members-only policy and affable barman Dave – is a pleasingly dingy refuge. Minder’s status as an ITV4 schedule-filler also means it is easily accessible twice a day. Paddy’s Pub This wretched Irish dive bar is full of scum-bums and sociopaths. Even worse, they own the place. But for all the bloviating and backstabbing, the obnoxious gang from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – cockroach-durable at 14 seasons and counting – provide a genuinely valuable service in uncertain times. Think of them as a moral compass (in that whatever they are doing, you should do the opposite). The Grapes Fondly reminiscing about the crush of a boozy Friday night? Just remember how long it took to get served at the bar. The joys of a quiet pint of mild are hymned in the short-lived but beloved mid-2000s sitcom Early Doors. It makes this scruffy Stockport boozer look like a covetable sanctuary to linger in, loaf and debate the status of temporary traffic lights. Quark’s Bar Picard’s USS Enterprise has Ten Forward, a bougie wine bar where Whoopi Goldberg dispenses sage advice along with cosmic mocktails. It’s very dull. Much more fun is Quark’s on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, named for its ever-scheming Ferengi owner. After imbibing absurdly strong Romulan ale, you can lose your shirt at the dabo gambling tables or lose your trousers in a sexy holosuite. The Brick Overseen by May-December couple Shelly and Holling, The Brick is the centre of all things in Cicely, Alaska – a place where Northern Exposure’s cast of eccentrics gather to share homespun wisdom and droll asides. Attentive service aside, who wouldn’t want to share a few rounds with folks who have learned a thing or two about isolation the hard way? The Clansman Bawdy Scot-com Still Game centres on this shabby but characterful Glasgow pub. The task of keeping the pensioner clientele lubricated falls to Boaby the barman, who usually has a sarcastic greeting preloaded whenever crinkly regulars Jack and Victor blow in, to which their reply is usually: “Two pints, prick!” Social cohesion at its finest. The Gem Saloon A real spit-and-sawdust joint, The Gem offers firewater to prospectors and scalp-hunters seeking their fast fortunes in Deadwood, a frontier camp where unkempt haircuts have long been the norm. What sets it apart is the grandiloquence of proprietor Al Swearengen, although since everyone has a six-gun it would be a bad idea to bang a fist on the bar and yell “shots!”. Cheers Before he ran The Good Place, Ted Danson oversaw an even better place. In basement Boston bar Cheers, his ex-ballplayer Sam cheerfully refereed comic badinage between a cast of limpet-like regulars and loyal staff. Everybody still knows their names, and there are spirit-lifting repeats daily on Channel 4. Probably best not to crack a can at 6.25am, though.