People across the US are now hoarding kettlebells, bikes and other home fitness gear. Stores that sell exercise equipment are recording sales boosts of over 600%; in April, a Colorado fitness equipment company made as much money in one day as they would normally make in a month. And in a turn of events worthy of a Portlandia sketch, people are queueing up online – the one place we go to avoid queues – to buy overpriced workout equipment marked up by as much as 150%. While many of us may be grieving over the swimsuit bodies that – let’s face it – we never would have had, pandemic or not, it seems some people are willing to pay any price to keep in shape. Exactly how much is hard to know. How long is a piece of string? If the price of this $397 jump rope is anything to go by, the answer is: quite a lot. Brompton Bicycles confirmed on Wednesday that they are fully booked with orders for the next seven months and will not be able to fulfil any future orders. These bikes – most of which cost over $1,000 – are perhaps useful because they are tiny and can be folded. So, people are buying a commuter bike most loved for its ability to be squeezed into the backs of cabs and on to crowded subways, in a city where ridership levels are at an all-time low, and a normal bike would do the job better. Baffling. So, too, is the fact that homes are currently being put on the market at jacked-up prices, on the basis of having a “Peloton area” (read: a space in the hallway for your $2,000 stationary bike). In some cases, it seems, money truly is the root of all evil. But at least it’s not just us: right now, the whole world seems to be experiencing a great kettlebell drought. In Australia, people buying damaged kettlebells for $400 (but we shouldn’t laugh – remember when the US suffered an Oatly shortage, the sort of “milk” you don’t need to stockpile because it has a shelf life of one year?). In Georgia, an iron company has begun mass-producing kettlebells to respond to the need. One New Yorker told the Times that he had his kettlebells repeatedly stolen. Desperate times, it seems, call for desperate measures – and to be fair, getting away with a stolen kettlebell does sound like a pretty high-intensity workout.