am a middle-aged man and have spent a large amount of time being a carer for my mum. My dad died when I was young and a few years later my brother passed away. Afterwards, my mum became quite reclusive. She always did her best for me, but from an early age I tried to give her as much emotional support as possible. I have always had this role fill a large space in my emotional life. I never really felt the need for deep connection with girlfriends and this is why I haven’t settled down. In the last few years, my mum became very ill and I became her main carer. She recently passed away. I know in my heart of hearts that it is a good thing that my mum’s suffering is at an end. My problem is that I miss her a great deal and I am struggling to come to terms with her loss. I have tried counselling and that has helped me to process my feelings. It has also been painful as I am now acutely aware that I have reached middle age and have not established my own family life. I sometimes feel bereft and like a bit of a failure. How do I move on? When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.