The funniest standup I’ve ever seen … Billy Connolly when I was about 13 or 14. It really was a good night. I’ve seen loads of great acts since but he was the first and, as such, left an amazing impression. The funniest book I’ve ever read … Delete This at Your Peril: The Bob Servant Emails. It’s about an old Scottish guy messing around with internet scammers. Hilarious. The funniest person I know … I have lots of funny friends but I’m not going to mention their names nor will I ever let them know I find them funny as that might ruin the magic. The funniest heckle I’ve ever had … In Southend-on-Sea I did this joke near the start of the show, about when you have your teeth showing, ready and lined for a funny. My line is: “Look at you lot all sitting there with your teeth out waiting for the next joke.” Within a beat, someone from the balcony shoots: “Waiting for the first joke mate.” Place exploded. I had to tip my hat to him. Heckling is often great for the night – as long as they know when to shut the fuck up. The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned … I bought a pair of white long johns with the crotch taken up that some trendy designer had made into a top – the legs became arms. I wore them in Greece one summer holiday. Back home they ended up in the wash and my dad thought they were his long johns. He was so annoyed at my mum: he was on a building site and had the draftiest day and could not get warm because of the long johns with no crotch. The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had … That would be now. I’ve gone beyond crying at it. The funniest joke I’ve ever heard… Two aerials on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn’t great but the reception was fantastic.