e have three daughters, aged four, six and nine. The eldest has discovered TikTok and is crazy about it. Understandably, she influences what the other two see. We have one tablet and a laptop, which we try to share fairly. We talk to them openly about what sharing means. We figure the best policy is to equip them with the tools to be critical and recognise when things are not as they should be. However, we have noticed that the eldest is being more and more covert in her internet use. A friend suggested a monitoring app, which seems like a good idea. But I feel as if we would be snooping on them and that may backfire in the long run. What should we do? When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed. If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.