hen my friends talk about sex and romance, I pretend to understand and hope they don’t notice that I don’t have stories of my own to tell. I’ve never had a boyfriend or been kissed, let alone had sex. I’ve been on a few dates (they were uncomfortable) but they were more than 20 years ago. In the years since, nobody has asked me, and my fear has grown. I sought help from a therapist 15 years ago, but she made things worse by calling me childish, and telling me that I couldn’t be helped. Since then, I’ve been too ashamed to admit to anyone that I’m a virgin. How could they understand a woman who can’t find a man to want her? I’m not attractive, and men have never been interested in me. Now that I’m older, they don’t even see me as a woman. I long for romance, but at the same time dread it. I’ve always hated being touched, and have found the idea of kissing disgusting for as long as I can remember. I do find men sexy and have been in love with a few, although they didn’t reciprocate my feelings. The thought of sex terrifies me. Maybe I’m asexual or have a phobia, but I’ve never had an opportunity to find out, and have long given up hope that I ever will. • Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com. All submissions are published anonymously, and subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.