Emily on Andrea What were you hoping for? To meet someone who appreciates me for the gift to humanity that I know I am, and ideally looks like the reincarnation of Boudica. First impressions? Like the radiant sun in the form of a human being. What did you talk about? We spent most of the night discussing philately and how deeply involved I’d been in that community from a very young age. It was only when our desserts arrived that it became apparent that she’d spent the entire conversation confusing philately with fellatio. Any awkward moments? It was a crushing blow when she rebuffed my advances. Good table manners? Aside from noticing her picking off my plate as I made my way to the toilets… Best thing about Andrea? I was impressed by her liberal outlook and enthusiasm for my more niche passions. It would also be rude not to mention her sexy cackle. Would you introduce her to your friends? Should she be so lucky. Describe Andrea in three words Fiery, seductive, sensitive. What do you think she made of you? Mellow, sensitive and generous (I brought her flowers). Did you go on somewhere? I went home. She went to see her ex. If it weren’t for social distancing, would you have kissed? I suggested we kiss over dessert but she reminded me of the pandemic. If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be? I’d change the pandemic and I would have undoubtedly had a delightful kiss. Marks out of 10? 8.35. Would you meet again? We’re going to Russia in the spring. Andrea on Emily What were you hoping for? A free meal with someone who tolerates me. First impressions? When she waltzed in with a bouquet of orange flowers (£5 from Tesco), I must admit she struck me as being a bit too much. What did you talk about? Our shared appreciation for Carole Baskin’s wardrobe. I would love to see Emily in a bit of leopard print. Any awkward moments? There was a miscommunication on a certain topic but I don’t feel comfortable disclosing the details. Good table manners? Considering she picked up the entire steak with her bare hands, I’d have to say no. But who am I to judge? Best thing about Emily? The fact she’s utterly outrageous, yet so self-aware. Would you introduce her to your friends? No, I’d like to keep it discreet. Describe Emily in three words Vivacious, sultry, precarious. What do you think she made of you? She kept forgetting my name and calling me Boudica, which made me think she’s not that interested. But then she said she loved me. Did you go on somewhere? We had a wild walk to the station. If it weren’t for social distancing, would you have kissed? Well, she still tried to kiss me. If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be? It would have been nice to get more free alcohol, but you can’t have it all. Marks out of 10? 4.5. Would you meet again? Only if she dresses in leopard print. • Emily and Andrea ate at Aster, London SW1. They were photographed separately for this image. The date took place before London’s tier 4 restrictions. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com.