There are, in the year 2021, more dating shows on the planet than there are humans. So overwhelming is the TV dating industrial complex that there is something tailor-made for everyone, whether you’re after ritual humiliation (Naked Attraction) or ritual humiliation from behind a wall (Love Is Blind). All sorts of series have come and gone over the years, from Dating in the Dark to the royal-themed prank I Wanna Marry Harry and Playing It Straight, with more lightly sociopathic additions added to the canon each month (a forthcoming ITV2 show, Ready to Mingle, includes contestants who are already in relationships pretending to be single for cash). That is to say, there are far too many dating shows vying for the attention and participation of single people. But which one is most likely to help you find that most elusive of things: true love? To figure that out we have got to really narrow things down and lose some of the more gimmicky options (farewell, Netflix’s “chaste Love Island” Too Hot to Handle, from which a grand total of zero couples remain). We must also lose 90 Day Fiancé, which – as well as requiring participants to do all of the legwork themselves in finding a holiday romance – also comes with the risk of being dumped and losing your entire life savings. As well as having far too much potential for psychological trauma, Naked Attraction is another dud, with just one solitary couple having formed in 45 episodes and 90 encounters with identity parades resplendent with penises and pubes. Even the people who presumably wanted to keep their day jobs and instead ventured to the steakhouse-slash-therapy session that is First Dates have not fared much better, with 12 known couples in 150 episodes, each of which has featured multiple pairings. There is really not a lot to separate it from Dinner Date, a programme that feels like it was created by someone who has never had any form of social interaction and which has spawned a reported three couples in almost 300 episodes (and surely many, many cases of food poisoning besides). Weirdly, for a show that was essentially an extended version of a man catcalling you from his Peugeot 206, Take Me Out created nine couples and six babies over its 110 episodes (although perhaps that is less impressive when you consider that each episode contained a postcode’s worth of contestants). The odds are similarly skewed for Married at First Sight UK, which has seen just one out of its 14 marriages survive the honeymoon phase. For a show largely held together by toxic masculinity and industrial quantities of filler, Love Island proves best, with 10 of the 42 couples formed on the show still going strong. Similarly, despite the apparent flaws in Love Is Blind – essentially Married at First Sight meets Hinge – three of its six couples, so 50%, are still together. In conclusion, if you are content with merely coming away with an anecdote, or a chicken tikka masala purchased for you by an ITV runner, you know where to look. But if it’s lasting commitment – and a slice of that sweet Instagram-branded content pie – then it really is as simple as picking a show with “love” in the title.