“Less than a year ago England were competing with India for a place in the final of the world test championship,” emails Ben Skelton. “Is the English system really dong as badly as Geoff Lemon is currently claiming on Test Match Special? Or have they just had a dismal year in extraordinary circumstances?” I would concur with Geoff, and other esteemed observers of the English system, notably George Dobell, who have been warning of this outcome for a long time. Sure, these are extraordinary circumstances that are possibly magnifying the problems, but this is not a case of a few batters with odd techniques, it is a systemic issue that has been a long time coming. This Tweet from Guardian alum Will Macpherson could prove more significant as the series wears on. Lateral flow tests are not the gold standard here in Victoria, but then PCR testing is overloaded with some results delayed by days. We are in a grey area with regards clearance. Kim Thonger is the first cab off the rank. “I think if Australia want to finish this game off quickly they could declare after the first ball today, roll England over again for, say, 120ish, and knock off the 250 or so needed to win, quite comfortably in 40 to 50 overs, and still have three days of rest on the beach. I had planned to retire in time to enjoy a visit to Australia for the NEXT England Ashes tour, but I’m beginning to think this may be the last.” If Pat Cummins did such a thing I think he would receive a stern email from the Cricket Australia CEO and a large bill from the host broadcaster. It would be very funny though. Ok, it feels as though the morning rush of news has subsided for now. Time to look ahead, and get stuck into some of your correspondence. The Guardian data gurus have been sifting through the noise of England’s calamities looking for signals. And they’ve come up with some pretty graphs, and a splendid headline. England’s latest batting collapse in Australia follows on from a series of below average scores from the men’s Test team in the past year. Statistics show the top order fairs poorly compared with other countries, and well adrift of their six main rivals. Here’s Ali Martin’s latest report from the MCG after England delayed their journey to the ground following a positive Covid test. Jonathan Liew riffs on the predictability of England’s latest collapse and how a system that has produced such a taut white-ball group can have delivered such a haunted Test outfit. There was a time when England collapses had a kind of fascinating car-crash quality. These days, by contrast, they feel strangely banal: tedious, overfamiliar, predictable, like a recurring anxiety dream. The openers disappear early. Joe Root does something pointless and defiant. All of a sudden you’re back at your old school. Someone in the middle order plays a stupid shot. You turn over the exam paper, but there’s nothing on it. Jonny Bairstow will be in action soon, and the England No 6 had the unenviable job of fronting the media after yesterday’s shambles. It’s one of those days that … we will look back on and probably reassess next time and potentially take different options. Vision coming through now of the England side striding out onto the MCG for their warm-ups. Ben Stokes is wielding a protein shake. Start time delayed until 11am England are on their way. Start time delayed by 30 minutes. You can also listen to Geoff (and Adam Collins and Emma John) dissect play on The Final Word Podcast if you like. Ok, on with the show, and back to yesterday, where Pat Cummins demonstrated once again that he is bloody impressive. Geoff Lemon tells the tale. You could easily arrive at the conclusion that Patrick Cummins had been blessed by some benevolent god. The best-on-ground performance in the teenage Test debut, the personal qualities that made people speak of him as a future captain, the rise to that position despite a century and more of entrenched Australian opposition to bowlers taking the job. That interpretation, though, would be overlooking the long, long wait after that teenage beginning, when Cummins had played one Test but spent six years being denied the next, the cycle of injuries whirring as endlessly as the exercise bikes on which he did another stint of rehabilitation. Your early 20s are supposed to be a time of impulsiveness and expression, not of quiet dedication to a long-term goal. England are heading to the G While we wait for more news to filter through about if and when England take the field, let’s recap yesterday’s action, starting with Ali Martin’s report from the close of play. Shortly after tea on the opening day at the MCG – not even halfway through the series as a whole – the Barmy Army trumpeter could already be heard pootling the theme from the Great Escape. A rejigged England side featuring four changes were eight down during what became an eventual 185 all out in 65.1 overs. And that was a total swelled by Ollie Robinson, the No 9, throwing the bat to the tune of 22 runs. So, Channel 7 has just come on air in Australia and the frontline broadcasters (Ponting, Botham etc) are off having PCR tests. They have been replaced by the crew normally on BBL duty - Alister Nicholson, Brad Hodge, and Lisa Sthalekar. Confirmed Covid case in England touring party Further, the ECB has just released the following statement about a touring family member also testing positive. Once again the precarious nature of this series reveals itself. Some early reports coming through on Channel 7, the host broadcaster, that the MCG press box has a confirmed case of Covid-19. I’ll bring you more as it comes, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there was some disruption to how this match is broadcast. Preamble Hello everybody and welcome to live over-by-over coverage of day two of the Boxing Day Ashes Test. We’re underway at the Melbourne Cricket Ground at 10.30am local time (11.30pm UK). History doesn’t repeat, but it often rhymes, or so the saying goes. If that’s the case, then England’s Ashes series is turning into something from the Dr Seuss canon. On day one at the MCG all the familiar failings materialised. Both openers fell cheaply, set batters got out to poor shots, no pressure was applied to Australia’s attack, and (although this is minor in comparison) England’s one true hope, Joe Root, could not convert a half-century into a Test-defining score. There was plenty of noise after Adelaide that England had talked frankly about their performances. This set the tone for the topic of conversation throughout a miserable day’s play: that of England not backing up their words with deeds. I think we’ve all been willingly, or unwittingly, overthinking things. Put simply, England are not very good. They are especially not very good in Australian conditions. They are very extremely especially not very good in Australian conditions against a well-drilled bowling attack, led by the magnificent Pat Cummins. What happened yesterday was normal. Sometimes it’s that straightforward. From England’s perspective, the remainder of this series has to focus on how such a well-funded cricket board can deliver an outcome like this with such consistency. Something very significant is wrong that cannot be addressed by interrogating a heated dressing room debate or the angle of an opener’s blade. This Test is not over, yet, but England’s first-innings dismissal just 65.1 overs after the toss means it is moving on apace. The next two days promise the best batting conditions at the MCG. Further ignominy for the tourists awaits. I’ll be back with more shortly, but if you would like to join in, you can reach me by email or Twitter (@JPHowcroft).