Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert returned to The Late Show after a week of holiday to poke fun at CNN, which is, according to an internal memo, stepping back from overhyping everything as “breaking news”. “Which means overhyping everything is now up for grabs, so we have breaking news,” Colbert parodied. “Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you shocked and terrified to report that what I am saying right now means nothing. It is all a false sense of urgency created to keep you captivated long enough to get to the next Lipitor commercial.” The cable news network, which recently hired the Late Show showrunner Chris Licht to replace its ousted chief executive, Jeff Zucker, plans to cut back on the breaking news graphic because “its impact has become lost on the audience” and CNN should be focused on “informing, not alarming” viewers. “And with CNN out of the game they’ll leave plenty of alarming for the folks over at Fox News,” Colbert noted. “In fact, they are now counter-programming with Tucker Carlson’s new show Look Out! Gay Immigrants Are Coming for Your Penis!” In other news, the House January 6 committee is set to make its case public with primetime hearings. “That’s right, the insurrection is going primetime. Get ready for your new favorite show, America’s Got Treason,” Colbert joked. Seth Meyers On Late Night, Seth Meyers ripped on the former TV personality turned politician Dr Mehmet Oz, who eked out a narrow victory in the Republican primary in Pennsylvania for US Senate. “I mean, how can you be the best man for the job when you’re not even the best Oprah doctor spinoff?” Meyers wondered. “I’m not saying Dr Phil would be a good senator, but at least he’d have a plan if your teen started dressing too sexy. “I never thought Dr Oz would be a nominee for anything other than the New England Journal of Medicine’s annual Craziest Doctor Alive issue,” he added. Oz, who got his start on Oprah’s talkshow in the 2000s, was endorsed for Senate by Donald Trump. “And just like every other successful Republican politician in the country,” Meyers noted, “Oz has learned that in order to thrive in today’s GOP and court the Republican base, you have to embrace election denialism by implying that there was widespread fraud in November 2020 when we all know that there was not.” As Oz said in a May TV interview: “As a physician, I like to get into the details. I talk to individuals who say their votes weren’t counted … We have got to understand the different ways cheating occurred.” “I understand that as a physician, you want to get into the details, but there are also times you just don’t have to,” Meyers responded. “If a patient came in and said their arm fell off but you could see that it hadn’t, you probably wouldn’t order a full set of tests. You’d send them off to a different doctor who does, you know, brain stuff. Which is what we should do to anyone who says their vote wasn’t counted.” Trevor Noah On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah checked in on another heated primary: the Democratic race for mayoral candidate in Los Angeles. The race is a close call between Karen Bass, a former community organizer and Democratic congresswoman, and billionaire real estate developer Rick Caruso, who has tapped into fears of rising crime and homelessness. Caruso, who has poured over $40m of his own fortune into widespread advertising, has also enlisted a bevy of celebrity endorsements, including Snoop Dogg, Gwyneth Paltrow and George Lopez. “If you guys are out voting, Rick Caruso is my choice and I really believe that he will make a difference,” said Kim Kardashian in a video posted to her Instagram. “Did she say ‘if you guys are out voting?’” Noah noted. “That’s a fun way to campaign for someone. It’s almost like she wants to endorse Caruso, but she doesn’t want to come off too strong, you know? ‘I’m not saying like go vote for him, but if you guys happen to like pass like a voting booth, then I guess feel free to like vote for him or whatever.’ “So thanks to Caruso’s huge spending advantage, his celebrity endorsements, and his focus on quality of life issues for people who aren’t homeless, this election looks like it’s going down to the wire,” Noah explained. “So every vote is going to count. Which, if you listen to LA voters, isn’t necessarily a good thing,” he added before several local news clips of LA residents not knowing a single mayoral candidate or even the current mayor, Eric Garcetti. “Damn, forget knowing who’s running for mayor – a lot of people in Los Angeles don’t even seem to know that there is a mayor?” Noah laughed. “I thought $40m in ads sounded like a lot before, but now I’m thinking it’s not enough.” Jimmy Kimmel And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel mocked a Fox Business host who decried Joe Biden’s planned appearance on Kimmel’s show this week as “the land of insanity in which we all live”. “Oh I see, what I do is insane,” he deadpanned. “You guys telling us we should arm PE teachers to protect kids? That makes sense. Tucker Carlson giving Vladimir Putin a reach-around every other night? Sane. President on a late-night talkshow? Insane. Got it.” Kimmel also laughed at Louie Gohmert, a Republican congressman from Arizona, who said in a recent interview: “We have a two-tiered justice system. If you’re a Republican, you can’t even lie to Congress, or lie to an FBI agent, or they’re comin’ after you, they’re going to bury you.” “That’s right, you can’t even lie to the FBI any more!” Kimmel joked. “At least he’s not lying about how upset he is about not being allowed to lie, I guess? Small victory? The good news is he’s on the judiciary committee.”