If Ed Sheeran offered you a ton of cash to open for him, would you do it? FirstWorlder Malcolm Middleton It wouldn’t even have to be that much money. Aidan’s a big fan: he went to see Ed the other evening at Hampden Park. Aidan Moffat I wouldn’t say I was a big fan. I’m impressed by anyone who can command a stadium on his own. My daughter wanted to go, and she enjoyed it. I was taking mental notes on his performance, checking out his rig. She was like: “Why aren’t you dancing?” I said, “One: I’m nearly 50. Two: it’s Ed Sheeran.” He’s good at what he does, though. What he does doesn’t particularly excite me. But if he ever wants us to support him, then no problem. That’s the sort of exposure money can’t buy. How many of your lyrics are simply storytelling, and how many are autobiographical? Phil2282 Moffat Every single song in Arab Strap’s first 10 years, except one, was autobiographical. Now my songwriting is led more by things I’ve read that interest me. But for the first 10 years I had rules that everything had to be true and honest, and I stuck to them pretty rigidly until we re-formed. The truth is, life gets less interesting as you get older. I don’t want to write songs about the school run or having a nap. Who would play you if there was ever a feature film about the Chemikal Underground story? SimplyThrilled Middleton Beaker from the Muppets. Moffat A young Brian Blessed, maybe. As long as they are hairy enough and fat enough, I don’t mind. Middleton You weren’t too hairy or too fat when we started. Moffat It would be quite a challenging role because the actor would have to change a lot physically over the course of the film. You’d need a Christian Bale-style actor, someone prepared to do a lot of damage to their body. How’s the UFO-hunting going? Matt08 Moffat There’s a place near Falkirk, Bonnybridge, that’s had the most UFO sightings in the UK. We’ve been talking a lot on this tour about the possibility of life on other planets. Even if there is, why would they bother talking to us? Middleton We talk about it on the tour bus, but you’re not really involved, Aidan, because you have quite a closed mind on the subject. Moffat I just think it’s arrogant to believe alien life forms would be interested in us, or that they’d look like us or use technology like us. Religion is dying out, so we look for new things to believe in … Middleton Aidan’s been reading a book about conspiracy theories on the tour bus and I’m pretty sure he lifted that statement there from it. I had the privilege of seeing [premature farewell tour] the Ten Years of Tears tour in Aberdeen – how was it to perform thinking that was your retirement do? MPattz Moffat I remember coming off stage in Glasgow and saying: “Why are we stopping?” It was such a good tour. The audiences were so excited because they thought it was the last time we were ever going to play. I mean, I thought it was, too. Middleton Our career trajectory was on a downward path. We were genuinely surprised our gigs were suddenly busy because we were splitting up. I don’t have regrets about breaking up. It was like coming out of the Big Brother house; we’d been living in this bubble for 10 or 12 years. We needed to stop and do our own thing, and then start appreciating what we’d done. Moffat When we did re-form it was because we genuinely had a passion for making something that sounds new, rather than trying to recapture our youth. I mean, you’ve heard early Arab Strap records; who would want to recapture that youth? I spent most of my time moaning about my fucking terrible romantic life. I’ve always thought Packs of Three would make a good national anthem for Scotland. Would your heart soar or groan to hear the Hampden crowd bellowing out the best opening line in popular music [“It was the biggest cock you’d ever seen / But you’ve no idea where that cock has been”] before international football matches? Paul4Jags Moffat It’s a song about sexually transmitted diseases, HIV tests and rampant promiscuity. I grew up in the 80s with the “don’t die of ignorance” campaign. In my formative years as a sexually curious teenager, sex could literally kill you. And that was terrifying. So I don’t think Packs of Three would make for a very good national anthem to be sung before a football game, no. Middleton The chorus to The First Big Weekend might work, though. Which of your songs should I play to my mum? cavecanem Moffat Packs of Three. [laughter] I actually do dedicate Packs of Three to my mum every time she comes to see us. And she absolutely hates it when I do it. Middleton I’m not sure if cavecanem should play any of our songs to their mum. Maybe try some Ed Sheeran. Malcolm, what’s your favourite of Aidan’s non-Arab Strap records? Aidan, what’s your favourite of Malcolm’s? ntaylor Middleton A couple of weeks ago I found that Darth Bastard record he did as Lucky Pierre … Moffat We don’t talk about that. I used some samples from a certain popular series of sci-fi films and that was highly illegal. The music was the only good thing about those Star Wars prequels, and I love John Williams. I did it as a tribute to his music. Middleton I also love Aidan’s album with Bill Wells. Moffat Malcolm’s last album, Bananas, was great. And there’s a lot of great songs on his first album; I’m particularly fond of The King of Bring. Besides music and joviality, what would you bring to a picnic? vammyp Moffat To be honest, I wouldn’t turn up. Picnics repulse me. I would probably bring a book or a really good pair of earphones so I didn’t have to talk to anyone. Middleton I’d bring a picnic blanket with foil underneath so the damp doesn’t seep through, an ice box to keep your beer or cider cool, a plate of sandwiches and some games for kids. Your early records caught the mood of the 90s: the culture of heavy drinking, drug-taking and casual sex. Do you ever feel that we were perhaps the last generation to not feel bad about enjoying ourselves when we were young? quickspace Moffat Having a teenager at home, the culture seems to have shifted. I live in Glasgow, for fuck’s sake, which was notorious for booze and fighting and drugs. And young kids don’t seem as interested in that sort of stuff any more. I hope young people today don’t feel guilty about enjoying themselves. I think it’s probably just because there’s less money to spend. Middleton We’re the last generation that could go out and get drunk without someone filming us getting drunk. Moffat That’s a good point, actually. It’s much harder to make a dick of yourself now and get away with it. Middleton Are there tech-free basement parties where you have to leave your phones at the door before you go make a dick of yourself? Moffat Technology has utterly destroyed young people’s fun. That’s quite miserable. I’m going to take the phone off my son and tell him to go and get fucking blitzed. Arab Strap play Leith Theatre, Edinburgh (19 August), Green Man festival (Brecon Beacons, 20 August) and then tour. Details