The Labour frontbencher Jess Phillips likes to unwind by drinking and dancing with friends, while the former Liberal Democrats leader Tim Farron prefers shouting at men half his age on the football pitch and occasionally dabbling in dad dancing. But both agree that even politicians have a right to a private life – and that includes Finland’s prime minister, Sanna Marin. A leaked video and images of Marin having fun with friends have generated huge controversy, with her detractors saying it is indecorous for the leader of a country. The furore has raised questions about where the line should be drawn when it comes to the behaviour people should expect from politicians. Politicians who spoke to the Guardian said many in the public eye would feel the need to moderate themselves due to fear that social media posts could be taken out of context and used to denigrate them by opponents. “The truth of the matter is, yes I moderate myself when I’m in public because people write horrible things about you, as she’s found out,” said Phillips, the MP for Birmingham Yardley and shadow minister for domestic violence and safeguarding. But would she behave as Marin did if she thought she was in a private space with friends and family? “Sometimes you let your hair down, you think sod it,” said Phillips. Although she does not go out as much as she used to and is more conscious of her profile, she said she “posted videos of myself on a night out singing and dancing – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and neither do my constituents”. Jenny Jones, a Green party peer, said she did not moderate her behaviour as a politician and that Marin “was being normal”. Her supposed transgression paled in comparison with Boris Johnson’s lockdown parties, she said. “I admire her!” Farron, the MP for Westmorland and Lonsdale in Cumbria, said the real problem was that her friends had betrayed her by leaking the video, and noted that as a new generation of politicians who live more of their lives online – Marin is one of the world’s youngest at 36 – takes power, the public will perhaps need to come to terms with leaders losing their mystique. “Social media is a mixed bag. I think it does change things but we have to accept our politicians are human beings – we should expect high standards in terms of integrity, but that doesn’t preclude you from having a couple of beers with your mates and dancing like nobody’s watching,” he said. “I‘m an Olympic-standard dad dancer and I’m glad there are no pictures of me.” He said there was a balance to be struck between coming across as authentic and having opportunities to properly relax, and needing to maintain gravitas on the world stage – though defining this can be shaped by preconceptions around who gets to be a leader. “I think it’s not wrong or fuddy-duddy to consider that diplomacy or strength and projecting seriousness in the international stage does mean we have to be a little careful about how we present ourselves. Having said that, what does Finland want to project? It’s relevant, it’s feisty, despite the fact it’s one of the countries under potential Russian threat – it’s carefree, it’s diverse, all the things Putin is against – maybe this is just the image that today’s person should want to project.” Phillips and Farron agreed that much of the criticism of Marin boiled down to her age and gender. Phillips said videos of Johnson dancing tended to elicit more of an affectionate, jokey response. “It’s very difficult to say this, but she’s dancing well, and if you’re a woman that’s deemed sexual, that’s the problem and the [reason for the] false moral outcry.” Some critics of Marin have said a leader who is drinking would be unable to take important decisions for their country, although Marin has maintained she was not drunk at the time. Phillips said there were no rules governing what a leader can consume because “people are grownups”, adding that “the idea that leaders make ultimate decisions for their country without anyone else’s approval is for the birds”. Farron viewed the criticisms as “deliberate and targeted”. “They like the idea of rubbishing people like that because diversity and equality offends some people, and they like to take an opportunity to show how terrible it is. I’m absolutely certain if she was a 36-year-old bloke he wouldn’t be getting this coverage at all – I’m absolutely clear it’s an age and gender thing.”