Name: Grey rocking. Age: Relatively new. Appearance: As unbelievably dull and unresponsive as a rock. OK. OK? That’s it? You don’t want me to tell you what grey rocking actually is? Sure. That’s better. It’s a new and apparently very effective way to force toxic narcissists out of your life for good. Doesn’t that sound great? I guess. You’re being weird. Anyway, grey rocking is a communication tool by which you starve narcissists of the attention they crave by denying them any form of engagement. It’s especially useful for me, because I’m constantly surrounded by all sorts of toxic people. Have I mentioned this before? Maybe. The key to grey rocking, according to US-based marriage and family therapist Holly Richmond, is to literally imagine that you are a grey rock. “You’re this immovable, impenetrable force who is disinterested,” she says. “If they ask you a question, say yes or no, and don’t give details about your life or admit you’re practising this grey rock method”. OK. And then … wait a minute, are you grey rocking me? No. OK, good. For a moment there I was worried that you thought I was a narcissist. Anyway, narcissists get their kicks by provoking emotional responses in their targets, good or bad. They like it when you shout back or defend yourself, because you’re giving them more ammunition. Did you know that? Yes. So, the best response is to avoid eye contact, maintain a flat tone of voice and deny them any meaningful engagement. Wow. Wow? That’s it? I just told you about the greatest weapon you could possibly have against a toxic narcissist, and all you can say is, ‘Wow’? What the hell is wrong with you? Whatever. Of course, some people will find themselves bound to a narcissist no matter what, maybe because they have children together or work in inseparably close quarters. In that case, it’s better to use a technique known as “yellow rocking”. This is where you offer slightly longer responses that nevertheless give nothing of yourself. A classic example is, ‘Wow, I didn’t know that’. Wow, I didn’t know that. Are you sure you’re not grey rocking me? Yes. God, you’re being so boring today. I should probably point out that grey rocking runs the risk of aggravating the narcissist. Fearful that they’re losing their grip over you, they might try even harder to provoke a reaction. OK. You know people only read Pass Notes for my bits, right? They always say how much they hate the bold parts. Wow, I didn’t know that. Well, it’s true! I’m great and you suck – everyone says so. Sure. This is no fun. I’m going to go and pester the crossword page instead. Do say: “Grey rocking can remove narcissists from your life for good.” Don’t say: “Hey, this sounds amazing! Please tell me more in great detail.”