Name: The Halloween tree. Age: The term dates back to Ray Bradbury’s 1972 fantasy novel of the same name. Appearance: Christmas tree from hell. From hell, you say? Think of an artificial Christmas tree, dragged from the loft in early October, and bedecked with skulls and cobwebs. Is it part of some satanic cult ritual? No, it’s just for Halloween. Really? When did this become a thing? As with all Halloween traditions, its origins are shrouded in mystery. Does it date back to pre-Christian times? Not quite. Some say it began in 2018, around the time John Lewis started selling illuminated bare-branched trees as Halloween decor. So it’s fairly new. But others insist that in the US, trees with Halloween-themed decorations began appearing years before that. In Bradbury’s book, a group of children travel back in time to explore the origins of Halloween, led by a guide who has a tree hung with jack-o’-lanterns. And now? Pictures of homemade Halloween trees are trending on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. Well, it’s certainly passed me by. What sort of decorations might suit a Halloween tree? Besides cobwebs and skulls, people favour black baubles, bats, ghosts, crime-scene tape and maybe some headstones round the base. Sounds a little downbeat. Also pretty orange lights, autumnal fruits and berries, and a witch’s hat for the top. I hate Halloween anyway – stupid imported American commercialism. Actually, All Hallows’ Eve was celebrated in the British Isles long before the US was invented. I still hate it – stupid homegrown Celtic paganism. Christmas trees also have pagan roots; maybe a Halloween tree would cheer you up. No, thank you. I prefer to mark the occasion in my own way. How is that? By buying a load of sweets and eating them while sitting in the dark, ignoring the doorbell. You have the weight of tradition on your side. Isn’t this just part of a wholly unsustainable fashion for seasonal furnishings, such as pumpkin tea cosies and welcome mats that say “BOO” on them? At least your old Christmas tree gets a second annual outing. Don’t you dare try to make this sound environmentally friendly. And seasonal decorating helps people get in touch with their crafting side. Their Amazon-ordering side, more like. I think you may be missing the true meaning of Halloween. Being haunted by the dead? No, being haunted by a tree! Do say: “I love what you’ve done with the glitter and the severed limbs.” Don’t say: “The dead cat wasn’t originally part of it – I think he got electrocuted by the lights.”