Trevor Noah “Last night was not the red wave that many expected it to be,” said Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s Daily Show, his first since the midterm elections. Republicans were still poised to potentially take control of both the House and Senate, but the night as a whole was “definitely not the huge win that they were expecting, so it feels like a loss”. “Which is really strange for me about politics,” he continued. “It’s the only place where you can technically win but still lose because people thought you were going to win more. Basically, Republicans got the handjob version of winning. Yeah, it got the job done, but no one’s really happy about it. “One of the reasons so many people were surprised by last night’s results is that for weeks, pundits have been saying that there are only a few issues that really matter to Americans right now” – inflation, crime and “whatever the hell is happening with the Twitter checkmarks”, he added. Pundits also assumed that voter concern over abortion rights had faded, but “I guess all those experts have been fired and will never be allowed back on television,” joked Noah, “because it turns out they were just a little bit wrong.” Voters in California, Vermont and Michigan enshrined abortion access, while conservative Kentucky struck down an amendment which would have removed the right to abortion from the state constitution. “It turns out abortion rights did not fade away as a concern, and it’s crazy that people ever thought it would,” Noah explained. “What women out there would be like ‘you know, it really bothered me over the summer when the state government wanted to take control of my reproductive system, but now I’m like whatever, yeah, maybe my body is their choice.’” Seth Meyers On Late Night, Seth Meyers celebrated a night that was not nearly as bad for Democrats as many thought it would be, starting with John Fetterman’s victory over Mehmet Oz in the closely watched Pennsylvania Senate race. “Wow, I can’t believe a candidate with no government experience who lives in New Jersey and reportedly killed over 300 dogs lost a race for Senate in Pennsylvania,” Meyers said. “The only way Oz could’ve been a worse candidate in Pennsylvania was if he was seen in a Devils jersey fighting with Gritty screaming ‘7/11 is better than Wawa and Sheetz!’” Though Republicans ultimately picked up several House seats, it was a better than average performance for the incumbent party, and a pleasant surprise for the Biden administration. “We have a tendency to think of Biden as a doddering old man because, you know, he’s an old man who sometimes dodders,” said Meyers, “but after last night’s results, I’m starting to think he actually might be the greatest political mastermind of our generation.” It was still too early to know all the election results but as of press time, control of the House and Senate were still up for grabs, “which is in itself a wild outcome and a huge disaster for Republicans”, said Meyers. Stephen Colbert There was plenty of talk of a so-called “red wave” ahead of the midterms, said Stephen Colbert on the Late Show, but “as it turns out, it wasn’t as bad as the people who make money off of fear wanted us to fear it would be.” Tuesday’s results are a “crisp nut-punch to Republican optimism leading up into this election”. Colbert pointed to a tweet from Donald Trump Jr, who posted “bloodbath!!” before the votes were even counted. “That did not age well,” Colbert said. “Reminds me of what General Custer tweeted just before Little Bighorn: ‘This is gonna be awesome. Ow, I just got shot in the head.’ “While the GOP did make modest gains,” Colbert added, “the massive victory they predicted never materialized,” prompting headlines such as Times’s “The red wave was more like a pink splash.” “Yes, a pink splash!” Colbert joked. “It was a salmon drizzle, a rosy wash. It’s like what happens when you accidentally wash your Klan robes with your Maga hat – just a little pink wash.” Jimmy Kimmel “Democrats were riding high today, even though they probably lost the House and could still lose the Senate,” said Jimmy Kimmel on Wednesday. “It’s like, ‘Great news! We didn’t get beaten as badly as everyone expected us to!’” Tuesday’s results were “less of a red wave and more of a purple-nurple”, he said. “America twisted Donald Trump’s chubby little nipples into a balloon animal last night.” In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. “Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit,” Kimmel joked. Kimmel then turned to Pennsylvania, where Fetterman defeated Dr Oz, a celebrity tapped by Donald Trump. The former president is reportedly livid about Oz’s loss, screaming when the numbers came in, according to the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. “They say the last time Trump was this disappointed was when Eric was born,” Kimmel joked. Haberman reported that Trump was also furious with anyone who supported Oz, including his wife Melania, calling it “not her best decision”. “Might even be her second worst decision,” Kimmel joked. “Trump is so angry at Melania, they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds.”