I am 57 and finding that the only way to reach orgasm is to get high on marijuana beforehand. My partner doesn’t feel great about this. I could just get high when masturbating so he isn’t affected, but then I still wouldn’t climax when we’re together. I’ve heard there are THC creams that might enhance sensitivity and bypass the need to be high. I have also read that I am not alone in finding enhanced pleasure through cannabis. THC creams, which are derived from cannabis, may help, and if you live in a place where you can obtain them it may be worth a try. But while there are laws regarding cannabis, there is no law that says you have to climax during partner sex. If you make climaxing your goal, you are likely to remain frustrated. Whether you use cannabis or not, try to make the goal of sex to give and receive pleasure. Teach your partner exactly what you need; pot may enhance your pleasure but it will not improve the communication, technique or closeness between you. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.