Whether we are driven to move, impress or simply not disappoint, many of us feel undue pressure to choose the perfect gifts for our loved ones at Christmas, no matter the cost. And each year, our expectations of our gift-giving abilities only increase – presents must be bigger and better and we must outdo ourselves again and again, otherwise we will have failed. The practice is known as “giftflation” and it sets a ruinous precedent. In the UK, we spend more than any other European country at Christmas, with projected sales this year estimated at £82.2bn. And each year, our rampant consumerism reaches dizzying new heights. In 2020, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic when celebrations were curbed to reduce transmissions, Britons still spent £26 more on presents than the previous year, with those struggling with debt spending £51 more than in 2019. Despite this, most gifts are eventually forgotten, whether they are impressive or disappointing or somewhere in between. So why are we so obsessed with outdoing ourselves? One study found that the more expensive a gift, the more givers expected receivers to appreciate it. But research has shown that spending more doesn’t guarantee higher levels of appreciation. Perhaps part of the drive to spend beyond our means is born out of societal expectations, etiquette and potential one-upmanship, but, in my experience, the pressure we place on ourselves at Christmas is often internal. In 2019, I found myself in more than £27,000 of credit card and overdraft debt – partly driven by a compulsion to give to those I loved. Upping the ante with my gift-giving, however unaffordable, was a way to show them just how much I loved them. Working towards becoming debt-free meant addressing some very deeply held beliefs about what I had to offer the people that I care about – and I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that way. This winter, as the cost of living crisis bites, it feels more important than ever to say that we all have permission to rein things in. Long before the energy crisis, UK households were already struggling with their finances and households with large debts increased by a third in 2021, according to new research. Sacrificing your own peace of mind throughout 2023 in order to exceed, or even simply meet, someone else’s expectations at Christmas isn’t worth it. But Christmas marketing messages are powerful. Even the most careful budgeter risks being lured into extra spending as carefully chosen gifts start to look and feel insufficient compared with the aisles and emails full of stuff that you didn’t buy. It may seem obvious, but if you’re stashing gifts away in preparation for the big day, you may be underestimating what you’ve actually bought. Comb through your purchases and consider their value – the time and effort that you put into choosing them and your reasons for doing so. Reminding yourself of this might reduce the appeal of topping up with token gifts. It’s so easy to forget, amid a flurry of tearjerker TV ads and influencer present hauls, that there are ways to be generous that don’t involve spending money on material gifts. Social media’s reach has undoubtedly made this task more challenging. A survey for the National Retail Federation (NRF) in the US found that 46% of generation Z were using social media such as Instagram to find inspiration for their gifts. But you can be generous with your time – especially with young children and older relatives, who would rather have that than anything else – your words, your skills and your kindness. It sounds trite, but it’s true. Being open with loved ones about wanting to tone things down on the spending front, or changing the way that you do things in order to focus less on gift-giving, might be a blessing for everyone involved. These conversations can form the basis for new traditions and open the door to more genuine connection – which is what we’re often really seeking when we scour the shops for the perfect present, after all. Gifting falls under the category of emotional spending, which can be notoriously difficult to curb and is something I still struggle with – sometimes I spend a little more than I mean to, or it plays on my mind a little more than it should. But it helps that I know what’s at stake when you allow things to spiral. Giftflation doesn’t have to be the status quo this Christmas. Take it from me: the world doesn’t end when you don’t give someone the perfect present. Clare Seal is an author, financial coach and founder of the @myfrugalyear Instagram account