Name: Suggestive accessories. Age: At least as old as the codpiece. Appearance: On the one hand, just a bit of ordinary ornament. But on the other hand … But on the other hand what? Something else altogether. OK, but like what? You know what I mean. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. For instance: the cheeky phallic pendant Harry Styles wore to the 2021 Grammys. Phallic how? It featured a penis emerging from a banana peel. That doesn’t sound suggestive – it sounds completely unmistakable. Well, how about the suggestion that Liz Truss was signalling a submissive kink by wearing an O-ring necklace? Was this some kind of universally recognised bondage gear? No, it was Cartier. So far, I’m not sure your examples support your premise. Oh yeah? What about Prue Leith’s ball-gag necklace? You mean Dame Prue Leith from Bake Off? That’s the one. And a ball gag? Social media was abuzz when she appeared on Sunday night’s episode of The Great British Bake Off: Stand Up to Cancer wearing a big orange ball on a stout cord round her neck. What did they say? “Why is Prue wearing a ball gag?!” was one not atypical reaction. I saw that episode and I also noticed that necklace. Didn’t you find it highly suggestive of something? Yes. It reminded me of one of those lanyards people put boat keys on so they float if they fall overboard. It didn’t make you think of BDSM? Unless that stands for boat deck security management, then no. But it looked just like a ball gag, with a ball and everything! If she was wearing a regular scarf, would you think it was a regular gag? I’m not sure you understand how suggestiveness works. I’m not sure you understand how accessories work. And, if you check, you’ll see that Leith wore an identical spheroid necklace on GBBO in 2017. And no one said anything? Actually, everyone said it looked like a ball gag then as well. But that’s Twitter for you: short memories, dirty minds. How dare you try to kink-shame the internet. How dare you impugn the reputation of Leith, who, I’ll wager, has never lost a set of boat keys in her life. I’ll keep my thoughts to myself in future. Do say: “It’s lovely – very bright, chunky and structural.” Don’t say: “I’m just worried it clashes with your vulva brooch.”