You will remember Dave Angel: Eco Warrior as the Essex-based ex-gangster turned environmental campaigner from BBC sketch show The Fast Show. Dave has been on hand since the mid-90s to warn us about the dangers of overfishing, depletion of the ozone layer and deforestation threatening hill tribes in Papua New Guinea. This was well before it was fashionable to openly chat about the warnings of carbon footprints and the climate crisis, though it also gave the eco-warrior a platform to extend his passion for naturism and the great British fry-up. All while trying to keep a check on his less environmentally aware wife, Shirley. Given the current plight of the Earth, there has never been a better time for the man to don his infamous beige bomber jacket, trilby and Ray-Bans and embark on his first national tour, accompanied by fellow Fast Show alumni, music hall great Tommy Cockles and Billy “There’s someone sitting there, mate” Bleach. (All of whom bear an uncanny resemblance to the comedian Simon Day.) So, to make sure he fully gets his message across, Dave has reluctantly agreed to spare a few precious minutes for a quick lowdown on the old dog and bone. Wallop! Hi, Dave. How’s it going? Not too good, mate. Just watched a David Attenborough documentary about the planet. Very upsetting. When David speaks, we all must listen. Not his brother, though. He was a pest. What have you been doing since we last saw you? Working on my market garden, trying to get people who have wood-burning stoves in their second homes banned, and marketing a new brand of make-your-own muesli where you simply help yourself by foraging whatever you can find growing in the hedges. So! You’re off on tour. That’s right: round the country, passing the message on to my younger brethren, showing photos and chatting about my life up to this point. I’ll be talking about everything from my position as a pioneer in the naturism game to my work in the early British porn industry. Don’t worry, it was all above board. Is the climate crisis still on the agenda? Yeah, a bit. Except a lady by the name of Greta Thunberg has kind of taken over from me in more recent years. Lovely girl, but keep her off the ciders, else she gets maudlin. What else will you be talking about? Everything and anything, really. My bonsai collection. Shirley, and tips on how to stay married. Shirley used to come on tour with me but she got tired of fighting all the women who follow me. Actually, we’ll be celebrating our platinum wedding soon. I remember it like it was yesterday. Frank Bruno was best man, Kellie Maloney was maid of honour, and Tanita Tikaram sang Twist in My Sobriety, which my mum thought was inappropriate. Then we went to the Isle of Wight for the honeymoon. Beautiful! What’s the state of the planet these days? Things are at crisis level. The emerging Asian countries have little concept of a carbon footprint. Some of the industries out there need my footprint across their faces. I would go out there and shut some things down, it’s the only way. The likes of Musk and Trump are the real problem. Seems these overgrown kids are constantly driving us mad. They should be forced to cage fight with each other. What’s on your tour rider? Joint of boiled bacon, pickled eggs, big bar of Galaxy, tea, coffee, English pale ale – but not one with a silly name or flavour. What else are you up to? Doing a Ted Talk on wild swimming. Going to spend a year working with the UN, me vegetable garden and opening a chain of all-night gyms. Do you read the Guardian? Just the sport. Favourite colour? Shut up! This is why I don’t read the Guardian no more. You better watch what you print, else it’ll be – wallop!