Name: Sausage rolls. Age: Like so many things, the sausage roll can be traced back to ancient Greece and Rome. Seriously? Well, they put meat into dough. The sausage roll that you might recognise today probably began in France at the beginning of the 19th century … Whoa! France? Sausage rolls are English, end of story. Wait, we are still at the beginning of the story. Then pork-filled rolls became popular in London during the Napoleonic wars, and the sausage roll has been as British as roast beef ever since. Exactly! And a great source of national pride, too! Can I have a hot one, please? Yes, unless you’re in Leicester Square, London, and it’s between 11pm and 5am. I am and it is – what’s the problem? Greggs is the problem. None of that, please. When it comes to sausage rolls, Greggs is the solution. Except in Leicester Square, at night. Explanation needed. Last year, the bakery was refused permission to trade hot food 24/7 at its flagship store in London’s West End. Why? The police said extending opening hours could lead to “crime and disorder”. Bun fights? “It is our belief that, if granted, the application could undermine the licensing objectives in relation to the prevention of crime and disorder,” the Metropolitan police said. What the hell does that mean? Who knows? Greggs is locked in “mediation talks” with Westminster council. Sounds serious. It gets more so. A three-day court hearing has been scheduled to start on 16 May, when Greggs will appeal the decision. Is it just hot food that is banned? This is where it’s complicated. Some items, such as pasties that are made elsewhere and just reheated in store, are allowed. Others, including bacon baps and potato wedges, need permission from the local authority. Hang on – what kind of sausage rolls are we talking about? Both kinds. Your classic Greggs sausage roll – in pastry – isn’t a problem; you can reheat and eat all night long. The sausage breakfast roll, on the other hand – sausages in a bread roll – well, that’s a big problem. Westminster council doesn’t allow that. Because it encourages antisocial behaviour and could lead to a violent crimewave across the capital? I know, it’s all very strange. Greggs says the confusion caused by having some items available and others not is more likely to cause trouble, and offered to employ security guards with bodycams to prevent any sausage-based violence. Westminster still said no. This must be the biggest sausage roll controversy since Greggs brought out a vegan one in 2019. But that made Piers Morgan really cross, so it was fun. This is serious. Do say: “What do we want? All kinds of sausage rolls. When do we want them? At three in the morning.” Don’t say: “It’s all clearly laid out in the Licensing Act 2003.”