Dawn breaks. You wake, hand flapping mechanically across the bedside table for your iPhone. The clock reads 8.18am and you realise, somewhere between reading Goodnight Moon and ladling potato skins into the food bin last night, you forgot to set your alarm and have to leave in 12 minutes. No matter. As both a parent and a person who aims to look vaguely passable, here’s how I regularly get ready in 10: If you just got up, you will look like you just got up, so you need to de-crease your face – in every sense. The fastest way to do this is ice. I have a John Lewis basin in the kitchen which I fill with ice cubes and water and I simply plunge my face into it and hold my breath until my face starts to hurt or I start to panic. Remove, and pat softly with a muslin cloth. There’s a temptation to take a shower, but do not. It’s a honey trap and, in your haste, you’ll almost certainly panic and slip. Instead, run your hairbrush under a cold tap, brush your hair and then dry it with a round, ceramic brush. It will take one minute – enough time to boil the kettle. You should know that a 10-step beauty routine is nonsense but, if not, now’s a good time to learn. My speedy alternative involves the following: pop one pair of Patchology eye gels under my eyes for a minute; remove; smudge the residual gunk from these all over my face; apply moisturiser over the rest; brush teeth and curl lashes while all the stuff dries. Dress simply. Unless you lay out your clothes at night (of course you don’t) now is not the time to try out that “fun” new top. Grab something navy, not black (a giveaway!) and flats – don’t wear heels in a hurry (as with the shower, you’ll panic and slip). If you need to look smart, wear a blazer. If you need to look good, add some earrings. Don’t do both. No time for coffee. Coffee breath is a big giveaway. Have a cup of tea instead. You’re already late, so what’s three minutes?