Name: Nightclubs. Age: said to have their roots in the drinking, dancing and gambling dens of mid-19th century New York. Appearance: disappearance, more like. Nightclubs are vanishing. Where to? Nowhere – they’re just closing. More than a third of Britain’s nightclubs have shut since June 2020, including 120 in the last year alone. Any I might have heard of? Recent casualties include Pryzm in Cardiff, The Arts Club in Liverpool and CODE in Sheffield. Yes I might have heard of some of those, if I had led a different life. So how many are left? There were just 873 nightclubs left in Britain as of June of this year, down from 1,244 in June 2020. Crikey! What’s going on? It’s been one thing after another: Covid, licensing restrictions … What kind of licensing restrictions? Noise, mostly. Newly built luxury housing in commercial districts has led to complaints from residents about clubs that have been in situ for decades. How pathetic. You live in a city! Get over it! The energy crisis and inflation have also increased pressure on venues. Operating costs for clubs have doubled and in some cases trebled, while attendance figures are down. I guess a lot of things can affect a nightclub’s viability. Very true – post-Brexit labour shortages, changes to alcohol duty, decreases in public transport provision and the erosion of discretionary spending all play a part. How precarious. Is this the end for nightclubs? Possibly, although that’s hard to imagine. They have been with us for well over a century, evolving from jazz spots to dance halls to rock clubs to discos and beyond, sometimes in the same location. But what do nightclubs really have to offer us besides all that lovely late night noise? They contribute billions to the night-time economy. Yes, but almost nothing to the daytime economy. Nightclubs are cultural preserves, hotbeds of musical innovation, springboards for the advancement of fashion, dance and social change. I hadn’t quite thought of it that way, because I never go out. They’re also good for you – in a survey conducted in Bristol last year, 88% of respondents said clubbing improved their mental wellbeing. You’re forgetting about all the sex and drugs. I can assure you I am not. Can anything be done to save the nightclubs of Britain from oblivion? The Night Time Industries Association is calling for targeted relief in the government’s autumn budget. You mean the solution is down to Jeremy Hunt? I’m afraid so. That’s so depressing. It makes me want to go out and get drunk and dance until I forget about everything. Too late. Do say: “Let’s face the music – and dance!” Don’t say: “It’s just so hard to have fun knowing I’m still paying for Netflix when I’m out.”