An undercover police officer used his fake identity to deceive a woman into a 19-year relationship in which they became partners and had a child together, the Guardian can reveal. The officer concealed his real identity from the woman for the duration of that period, never telling her his real occupation, and using his fictitious identity on the birth certificate of their son. In 2020, after the couple were engaged to be married, the woman discovered that her fiance, whom she believed to be a businessman, was in fact a police officer who had subjected her to a sophisticated deception lasting almost two decades. The Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC) is investigating senior officers at Avon and Somerset police, who knew about the undercover officer’s relationship with the woman as far back as 2013. They appear to have waited at least seven years before informing the woman that the person she knew as her fiance had been using a fake identity given to him for use in covert police operations. In a statement, the IOPC confirmed it was investigating the case. The woman, whom the Guardian is referring to as “Mary” to protect her identity, does not want to speak publicly about the experience. However, her relatives say that she is “a shadow of the person we used to know”. “This whole thing has broken her,” Mary’s sister said. “She has expressed suicidal thoughts. She cries daily. She does not sleep. She is really fearful.” News of the deception has upended the entire family’s lives. “Our dad, the stress of this has destroyed his health. This has put him in hospital. My mum is on antidepressants, she can’t sleep at night. We can’t talk about this to anybody, not even with our own children,” Mary’s sister added. “It’s broken us as a family.” Mary’s family accuse Avon and Somerset police of bullying and threatening them over the last three years in an effort to discourage them from speaking to the press. Senior police, they say, warned them that if the public were to become aware of the 19-year relationship the revelation could spark riots. However, Mary’s family now believe this and other warnings were used to co-opt them into a “cover-up” of the scandal. Mary’s sister said the family believe that Avon and Somerset police “want to protect themselves at all cost”. “They’re supposed to serve and protect,” she said. “I don’t believe they will protect you, I believe they will protect themselves. They’re using us and making us cover for them for their failings. They are trying to silence us.” Avon and Somerset police did not respond to requests for comment prior to publication. However, on Wednesday, the force issued an apology. “While working in an undercover role, a former officer engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a member of the public using their pseudonym,” a spokesperson said. “The member of the public has no connection with policing and until recently they were entirely unaware of their links to an undercover police officer. They played no role in, and were not connected to, the officer’s operational deployment.” They added: “We fully recognise for those involved it has been deeply upsetting over a number of years, and remains so today. We are sorry. We recognise and understand the devastating and appalling impact this has had on all those affected, and we have taken and continue to take our duty of care to them extremely seriously.” ‘Manipulative’ It is not known why the undercover police officer cultivated his relationship with Mary, which began in 2001. Mary is not believed to have been the target of any surveillance operation. Neither are her family, who say they have never had links to criminals. Undercover police, who often turn up out of the blue with next to no connections in an area, have in the past been known to form relationships with innocent people to build credibility into their cover story, or “legend”. Mary, who is British and of black Caribbean heritage, is a respected and active member of her community with a professional job. Relatives recall the undercover officer, who was also black, as a “charismatic but quiet” man who appeared to be interested in cars and spent his spare time weight training and doing martial arts. According to Mary’s brother, the officer tried to win the family over when he began dating her in the early 2000s. “He was a person who knew how to get around people. He knew my mum loves flowers; every time he came, he would give her a kiss, buy her flowers, give her a hug.” Mary’s brother said the undercover officer could be “manipulative and controlling”, recalling how when the couple had relationship problems he would “always go to my mum and talk to my mum and try to win [her] over”. He added: “My sister had lots of friends that were men, but he basically made her give up all her friends that were men. He was very manipulative in that way.” The couple began what turned into a serious, long-term relationship. While the officer frequently travelled away for several days on “business”, he developed close bonds with Mary’s family, helping her father when he needed a new car and regularly attending family gatherings. “I remember my girls being babies and him holding them,” Mary’s sister said. Over time the officer became the stepfather to Mary’s daughter from a previous relationship. And, several years after their relationship began, the couple had their own son. But Mary’s sister said “there was always a secret side” to the officer, adding: “Back then I didn’t see it as a secret side, I just saw him as very private.” Throughout their relationship, Mary’s family said, he never disclosed to her that he was a police officer. In 2013, 12 years into their relationship, he is understood to have left the police. It is not known what precipitated his departure from Avon and Somerset police, but it appears to have been related to an investigation into his conduct. It is unclear what the investigation related to or whether there were any adverse findings against him. However, it is understood that by 2013 senior officers at Avon and Somerset police discovered that one of their officers had been using his undercover identity to deceive a woman into a relationship for many years, and that she had given birth to his child. For reasons that remain unknown, the force decided not to inform Mary for another seven years, until 2020. That delay enabled her partner to continue using the fake identity, even after he had left the force, prolonging the deception. Using his alias, he maintained his role as father to Mary’s son, and stepfather to her daughter, for several more years. His relationship with Mary also developed in that time. In 2019, he proposed and the couple became engaged. ‘Blindsided’ It was the following year, in August 2020, that Avon and Somerset police finally told Mary and her family the truth. Police are understood to have broken the news to Mary during a visit to her family home, while her children were in bed. She was relocated to a hotel, where she was given a more detailed briefing by an array of officers from Avon and Somerset police. Mary’s siblings say the family was “blindsided” and “devastated” at the news. “You put your trust [in someone] and … you got on with this person and he was living a lie this whole time, living a double life,” Mary’s brother said. As part of its investigation, the IOPC, the police watchdog for England and Wales, is likely to want to establish how an undercover police operation, which is supposed to be closely supervised, could have led to a 19-year relationship of this kind. It will also want to establish when police chiefs first became aware of the relationship and why they waited so long to tell Mary about the true identity of her partner. The investigation is also embroiling West Midlands police, the force that employed the officer between 2001, when he first met Mary, and 2006, when he transferred to Avon and Somerset police. A spokesperson for West Midlands police said it was “aware of allegations concerning a former officer” who left the force in 2006. “The Independent Office of Police Conduct is leading an investigation into the allegations and therefore we are unable to comment further at this time.” The IOPC said in its statement: “We can confirm we are concluding a managed investigation into allegations that senior officers failed to adequately investigate the conduct of an undercover officer once it had been brought to their attention. We are in the process of giving the outcome of that investigation to all concerned parties so it would be inappropriate to say more at this time.” The police watchdog said it was also conducting a managed investigation into “complaints from members of the public who were affected by the behaviour of the undercover officer including that senior officers deliberately withheld information from them. That investigation is ongoing.” The statement added: “Given the sensitivity of these investigations, we cannot provide more information due to the risks posed by disclosing information which may lead to the identity of those affected.” Mary’s experience bears some similarities with cases in the so-called “spycops” scandal, in which many women were deceived into long-term relationships by undercover police officers who were spying on mostly leftwing political groups. Unlike those cases, which are the subject of an ongoing public inquiry by Sir John Mitting, a former high court judge, Mary’s fiance was not gathering intelligence on protest groups. Instead, he is understood to have been involved in more conventional investigations into serious crime. Police chiefs have made clear that undercover officers are not “in any circumstances” permitted to form intimate relationships while using their fake identities. In its statement, Avon and Somerset police said that, in 2016, the force decided to refer the case involving its officer’s 19-year relationship to Mitting’s public inquiry. ‘Silenced’ Mary and her family have for the last three years wrestled with how to respond to such devastating news. Her siblings say that Avon and Somerset police have consistently put pressure on them not to speak publicly about the relationship, warning of the risk of social unrest if the news got out. They have also cautioned that hardened criminals who were infiltrated by the undercover officer many years ago could seek retribution by harming Mary and her son. However, Mary’s family believe that Avon and Somerset police have been pressuring them into silence for their own benefit. “They go on about the risks of what could happen to Mary, but they’re not doing anything to mitigate those risks,” her sister said. “This is something that needs to come out.” Mary’s family, who live in an area in which relations with police have been fraught for many years, are concerned that members of their community may learn about the relationship and wrongly conclude that she knowingly collaborated with police. The family have on several occasions pressed Avon and Somerset police to publicly admit their failing and issue a statement that would signal the family were victims of an abusive, decades-long deception. The force, they say, has steadfastly refused to make any public comment on the case, insisting that doing so would be too risky. The family have now concluded that they have been manipulated twice by police. First by an undercover officer who inveigled his way into their lives using a fake identity, in an extraordinarily callous intrusion that has irrevocably changed their lives. And latterly by his superiors, who have put pressure on them to collude in what the family allege is a cover-up. They believe the greater risk they face is anger and backlash from their community for staying silent for any longer. Speaking before Somerset and Avon police issued their statement on Wednesday, Mary’s brother said a public apology from police and acknowledgment of what occurred was crucial in helping the family rebuild their lives. “I have lost all faith and trust in the system and the police,” he said. “They’re there to satisfy themselves, protect themselves. They’ll bully and intimidate you.” Her sister said: “All we’ve wanted for them to do is clear our name and Mary’s name of any involvement or knowledge, and admit their failings in how they’ve treated Mary since then. We don’t want our children going out and people thinking our family is working with the police.” She added: “I want the police to be held to account for what they’ve done. This is the only way. We have been silenced for too long.”