Name: Full-time children. Age: 21 and up. Appearance: Coming to a doorstep near you. What kind of job is “full-time child”? Just what it sounds like: being someone’s child, the whole time. How does one get into that sort of game? By default. By default? By having no other role or function in life. I don’t understand. Full-time children are young adults who, finding no suitable employment, simply move back in with their parents to retrain as offspring. And what does that entail? Hanging out, eating free food, accepting handouts. Sounds lush. Where do I sign up? In China. I’m willing to travel, but that’s a bit far. Slowing growth and a shortage of employment for 16- to 24-year-olds has led to a surge in full-time children in China, although the economic downturn isn’t the whole story. What’s the rest of the story? Many educated young Chinese people are unwilling to put up with low wages, punishing hours and unrewarding work. So they’ve dropped out of the rat race and gone home. And their parents let them back in? Yes. China’s one-child policy – which ran from 1979 to 2015 – created a generation of parents who regard their children as prized investments not to be undervalued. Some are even willing to employ their kids as kids, giving them a salary to perform household duties. Well, if everybody’s happy … Not everybody is happy. In China, being a full-time child is also known by another name: kenlao, or “gnawing on the elderly”. President Xi Jinping says the youth of China should learn to “eat bitterness”. Sounds as if they’d rather eat home cooking. Are you sure there are no openings for this position outside China? You could always apply to become a boomerang kid. What’s that? An adult child who keeps returning home, like a boomerang. It’s similar to being a full-time child, but caused by exorbitant housing costs rather than high unemployment. Where is that happening? It’s a particular problem in London, where the average property costs £685,000, and the average rent is £2,500 a month. More than one in four families in the capital now have an adult child living at home. So I live with my parents and I still have to work? Not exactly the best of both worlds. Chances are your parents won’t think so either. Do say: “It’s amazing to be able to spend this time together! We’re out of Shreddies, by the way.” Don’t say: “Mum, Dad, come quick! There’s a rowing machine where my bed used to be!”