Name: The invasion of Seville. Age: Seville (Sevilla), the beautiful city in Andalucía, is ancient, dating back approximately 2,200 years. The latest invasion is relatively recent. We’re not talking about the Islamic conquest of 711, then? Nor its ransacking by Vikings in the mid-9th century. Nor indeed the conquest of the city by Almoravids in 1091 … Fascinating. So who is it now? Men in pants. But surely men in pants are better than men out of pants? Maybe, but often it’s all these men are wearing. Well, I’ve heard it does get pretty hot in southern Spain, especially these days, what with … this isn’t a climate change story either, is it? Thankfully not. Go on, who are they? Stags. Bachelor parties. Hen dos, too, to be fair. Men and women behaving badly. And the locals don’t like it? No. And one in particular: José Luis Sanz. The recently elected mayor, if I’m not mistaken. You’re not. JLS (no, not that JLS) is fed up with bachelor and bachelorette parties. He has announced that the city council will enact a new law that will ban the wearing of costumes “that may violate the moral or sexual integrity of another person”, the Times reported. Including pants? Yes. “Underwear or costumes using sexist elements or messages.” The law would also forbid “acts of obscene exhibitionism”. Seville is a city stuffed full of religious history, so it maybe isn’t the best place for obscene exhibitionism. And the locals are with the mayor – they disapprove, too? One told a TV interviewer it was shameful. “People come naked, you can see everything.” And conservative newspaper ABC said the partygoers “provoke looks of disgust, especially among the older neighbours”. I’m thinking this might not be the first time the more traditional, Catholic side of Spain has clashed with the other Spain, the destination for boozy stag and hen dos. Again correct. You’re probably thinking of Mojácar in Almería, which in 2016 said it would no longer tolerate the wearing of “phallic tiaras” or “unbecoming behaviour with inflatable sex dolls”. And also more recently, no? Just last year Málaga announced it would be fining people up to €750 if they walked down the street with a plastic penis on their head … Dickheads. Quite. Or with sex dolls, or naked. The aim, Málaga city council said, was to “preserve the public space as a place of meeting, coexistence and civility”. Do say: “So, Blackpool again then?” Don’t say: “Got another one here for the stake, Torquemada …”