Name: The Omagh Hum. Age: It was first reported in late October. Appearance: Out of the blue. Can you hear that noise? What noise? A low, monotonous, droning moan? Oh, that’s just the involuntary noise of despair I make at the moment. It’s 2023, right? At least we’re not in Omagh though. Why? Because of the hum. The hum? Yes, the mystery noise upsetting people. Unable to identify the source, the council is considering outside help: “Officers are currently investigating the use of specialist equipment, or procurement of a specialist company, to assist in detecting the source of the noise,” a council spokesperson told the BBC. Haven’t I heard about this before? Iterations of “the hum” have been reported for the past 50 years. In the UK, “low-frequency noise annoyance” has manifested from Largs to Bristol but it has been reported worldwide; there’s a global Hum Map and Database. What does it sound like? A low-pitched rumble, like a car engine idling, electronic pulsing, that kind of thing. You can find simulations online. That sounds like my “brown noise for better sleep” playlist. People find the real thing extremely unconducive to sleep. Some have considered moving house to get away from it. So what is it? Probably not just one thing. Occasionally, hum sources are tracked down to industrial or agricultural machinery – in Kokomo, Indiana, a fan and compressor were the culprits – but most remain mysterious. I bet there are some wild theories. They range from respectable to absolutely out-there: vibrations from seismic activity, low-frequency communications with submarines, windfarms and wave activity reverberating on the ocean floor are fairly respectable, but some suggest UFOs, 5G masts, or even “sonic fish”. I saw them at Reading in ’93! Sorry, tell me more. Male midshipman fish drone to attract mates and it gets very loud, apparently. That seems far-fetched. The Scottish Association for Marine Science said it was “not beyond the bounds of possibility” that they were the cause of a mysterious noise near an estuary in Hythe. Well, now I want to hear horny fish. Weirdly, not everyone can hear the hum: only about 4% of the population (the most susceptible group is middle-aged women), and audio experts often can’t detect what they report with recording equipment. So, the hum is in their heads? Well, there may not always be an external cause and, where there is, behavioural therapies can help, as with tinnitus. “The more people focus on the noise, the more anxious and fearful they get, the more the body responds by amplifying the sound,” according to audiologist, Dr David Baguley. Are there other mystery noises? Loads: Bloop, the Forest Grove Sound, the Ping, “Julia”… But if you tell me you saw them at Glastonbury, I’m going to start groaning again. Do say: “Noise pollution is so pervasive, the whole planet is humming.” Don’t say: “Hmmmm.”