CONMEBOLONEY? If we’re honest, January’s transfer window is silly season, a chance to fantasise. What if Player X were to join Club Y? Just think of the xG and the pressing stats, the transition control and verticality IP. Awlright! But equally, to continue this outbreak of honesty, then 2024’s January window has not exactly stirred the creative juices just yet. Jadon Sancho back to Dortmund? Bit obvious. The main issue arising from Ian Maatsen probably joining Jadon at Signal Iduna Park on loan from Chelsea is: how many other 21-year-olds are called Ian? Did the Maatsen family side with the Beales when it came to the internecine war forever taking place in Albert Square? Are “Phil” and “Grant” popular names in Vlaardingen, Maatsen’s south Netherlands hometown? Anyway, moving on: Ivan Toney to Arsenal for £100m? Seems unlikely. Perhaps giving Bukayo Saka a proper rest might be more cost effective. Wild speculation is the food from the gods for those asked to scratch together football-based daily tea-time emails. And José Mourinho has forever been a hero in these parts for his ability to turn the spotlight on himself, creating a feeding frenzy among fantasists. The latest rumours from the Mourinho extended universe is that he is being lined up to manage the Brazilian national team. OK, Portuguese language: check. Expressive, carefree football embodying the free spiritedness of a football culture that values artistry over achievement? Well, not quite. Mind, Luiz Felipe Scolari – Big Phil if you will – hardly employed the freeform tactics of 1970: Clodoaldo skating out from defence, Pelé being celebrated more for his inventive misses than actual goals, and all that. And Big Phil was the last properly successful Brazil coach. As in: he won the World Cup. The current Brazil caretaker coach is Fernando Diniz, who you may recall from Fluminense’s Club World Cup appearance and his “relationism” football. That involved his team doing Clodoaldo things before getting robbed in their own box for Manchester City to score. If Brazil are looking for a winner then Mourinho could be the man. He certainly used to be, though he’s never quite been the same since making it his mission to down Pep Guardiola in Spain when at Internazionale … and making it his mission to down Pep Guardiola in Spain when at Real Madrid. But while Pep has spent the time since cementing his reputation as the greatest and most influential coach of the lot, José has rather lost his touch. Still, he remains a god in Rome, though the suggestion is his high wages are problematic for Roma, seventh in Serie A. A Saudi move has been brushed aside but Brazil seems more to his special tastes. “I don’t know if it’s true or not about Brazil, because they did not speak directly to me,” José sidestepped, Neymar-like. Just imagine it. Mourinho sequestered, Lowry-style, in a São Paulo skyscraper, suggesting he can’t find enough players in Brazil, coating off players of Luke Littler prodigiousness before reactivating 2014’s Fred as a big man to get it launched to. We in 2024 need this. LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE Join Scott Murray for piping hot FA Cup action – Crystal Palace v Everton – with kick-off from 8pm GMT. QUOTE OF THE DAY “Nikola returns with one aim: help Hajduk to win the title after 19 years” – Mindaugas Nikolicius, an extremely happy Hajduk Split suit, announces the return of former Croatia international Nikola Kalinic to the club, with a total salary of €1 (86p). FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS “For ‘Kuddly Ken’ read ‘Cousin Kevin’ …. your picture of Ken Bates with the Subbuteo cake (Memory Lane, yesterday) reinforced the sad truth that I, and probably many others of a certain age, simply cannot read or hear the word ‘Subbuteo’ without that famous song by the Undertones running through our heads. I bet Ken also has a fur-lined sheepskin jacket” – Allastair McGillivray. “Like Jürgen Klopp, I also inadvertently lost my wedding ring 19 years ago. Returning from my honeymoon I diligently, as a newlywed, went to deposit waste paper in the street paper bin in Amsterdam, unknowingly also depositing my newly minted ring in said depository. The Amsterdam municipality swore they tried their best to find the wedding band amongst the tons of paper but alas, not being Klopp, and having to buy another ring, I couldn’t afford any further search options” – Gerry Rickard. Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Allastair McGillivray.