n 1 January 1983 the internet was born. On 2 January 1983, The Guardian wrote to me: “Michael, we think the internet is going to be a funny place. Could you please keep an eye on it and report back in 2021 about the ten funniest things that you’ve seen on it?” It was a surprising message to receive, mostly because it was written to me more than seven years before my birth. Nonetheless, I took up the task seriously and have spent every moment of my waking life on the internet to bring you this definitive list of the funniest things on it. 10. Gary Gulman’s state abbreviations I think this might be the best late night set I’ve seen (other than Becky Lucas and Rhys Nicholson’s debuts on Conan). Gary Gulman basically does a five-minute chunk on how the US states got their abbreviations and the writing in it is absolutely impeccable. Mostly I just respect the courage it takes to dedicate your entire set to one bit because it’s not like he can change topics or segue into another bit if the audience isn’t on board with it. It’s crazy good, and the best thing is I later discovered that the “documentary” that he mentions at the start absolutely does not exist which, for me, makes this bit even funnier. 9. Ain’t nobody got time for that I don’t know about you, but when I think of comedy on the internet, I think of soundbites of interviews being remixed to make banging bits. Mashd N Kutcher’s Get on the Beers featuring Dan Andrews is an absolute banger, but they stand on the shoulders of Sweet Brown’s Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That. I was really interested to find out what has happened to Sweet Brown, and if the internet is to be trusted – and of course it is – she is now apparently worth $2m. Which just goes to show that sometimes the internet can do good things. Hopefully, her bronchitis has cleared up as well. 8. Instagram world record egg I know this happened a while ago, but it still cracks me up (pun intended). Just the way that people got around this photo of an egg on Instagram because they were sick of the Kardashians holding all the records for most-liked photos is so funny to me. The spitefulness behind the movement always makes me laugh. Sometimes I like to think that it was this same egg that was used by Egg Boy on Fraser Anning and the fantasy makes me feel so ingratiated to this egg. 7. Baby rhino escape God this is funny. I mean, it’s perfect in every way. I’ve never seen scripted comedy as funny as this. This is the pinnacle of comedy and probably should be #1. 6. Interview with a Queensland teenager attacked by a crocodile I think this is the funniest interview I’ve ever seen and should probably feature as part of our new Tourism Australia ad when the borders reopen. Queensland teenager Lee De Paauw jumped into crocodile infested waters in order to impress a backpacker called Sophie. It didn’t end very well for him. But somehow he managed to pull himself out of his hospital bed to give this iconic interview. The message here is that swimming in crocodile infested waters is a great way to land a date and is behaviour that should be encouraged on morning TV. 5. Aunty Donna’s Jambalam (language warning!) I think Aunty Donna are the funniest people to come out of Australia. For me, their Jambalam sketch is their magnum opus. The awkward camera work, the forced dialogue and Mark dressed as my mother get me every time. Please click on this link and cancel all of your engagements for the rest of the day because you are about to go down a 12-hour Aunty Donna YouTube wormhole. Have a great trip! 4. Nate Bargatze’s iced coffee problems I was pretty late to the game with Nate Bargatze, but I am well and truly on the bandwagon now. This bit about trying to order an iced coffee at Starbucks is just so perfect to me. To find something new and funny to say about an experience that so many comedians have had and talked about on stage is just so impressive. I also know that I would react the same way he does – if someone gave me something I didn’t order I would absolutely pretend that was what I wanted and leave to avoid an awkward confrontation because it would matter to me what everyone at Starbucks thinks of me. 3. Kelly’s comics at The Onion The Onion comics by Kelly are pretty niche, but God they get me every time. They’re basically parodies of rightwing cartoonists and Trump supporters. What I love about Kelly is he points out how hack these rightwing cartoonists are – the way they feel the need to label everything and always have the Statue of Liberty crying because it’s the only metaphor they can come up. The best part about these comics is reading the comments of people who do not understand them at all and then Onion fans condescendingly trying to explain the comics to them. I would love to see Lubalin do a video covering the comments section on this cartoon. 2. Alex Edelman’s Jewish space laser Twitter thread There are far too many Jewish comedians in the world (and I say that as a Jewish comedian myself). But Alex Edelman might be the best of them, closely followed by Gary Gulman, me and then Jerry Seinfeld in that order. This is my favourite Twitter thread of Alex’s where he reacts to the crazy conspiracy that Jews have a secret space laser that we used to start the most recent California fires. Something that I love to do in my stand up is to accept antisemitic conspiracies as true in order to point out how insane they are. Alex absolutely nails it here. 1. Donald Trump’s Twitter account The funniest thing on the internet is Donald Trump’s Twitter account. There is no denying this. It is – or was – the funniest thing on the internet. And I’m not referring to the tweets he made while being the most powerful man in the world – I’m talking about the tweets he made before he was president, when he was just a billionaire trolling people on the internet because he was bored. Since you cannot currently enjoy them on Twitter, please enjoy this list of his tweets instead. My favourite one is from 8 May 2013: “Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.” The man is a king and I miss him every day. I might join Parler just so I can keep following him.