The prosecution: Ciara With the Christmas decorations, mum rules with a rod of iron – and takes away all the fun For as long as I can remember we’ve called my mum “Mrs Claus”, because she really gets into the spirit of Christmas. Her mother was the same – it’s traditional. But the decorating process is never without tension. One year, when arranging tinsel, I accidentally smashed a vintage glass bauble that mum had inherited from her family. She fell to her knees and let out this loud, low wail. She shouted “You’re careless!” at me and didn’t talk to me for two days. Over the years we’ve lost a wise man, a baby Jesus and the Virgin Mary. All of them smashed to smithereens. Each time I tried to hide it from mum for as long as possible. When she finds out, all hell breaks loose. We’re told that we don’t look after things, that we’re selfish. But accidents happen. Decorating our house is a huge process – it begins with going into the cellar, where there are boxes and boxes of ornaments – and takes two days. Mum wants the tree up on 1 December and not taken down until the end of January. I think it should come down straight after 1 January, but my opinion doesn’t matter. Everything has to be done to mum’s taste. If I’m not heavily involved she will accuse me of being uninterested, but when I do take charge of something – say, the lights – she will control it. I’ll spend ages arranging them only for her to take one look and say, “I don’t like it.” It’s exhausting. None of us kids lives at home any more, but when we’re back for Christmas we are expected to step up. I’m the eldest of three, so it falls on me to liaise with my siblings and find time when we’re all free to decorate the house. My mum dictates the whole process from start to finish. If I don’t create a schedule to suit her, it’s, “Oh you never help. You’re so ungrateful.” It’s not that; it’s just hard to get everyone together. This year, I want mum to relax. It’s nice to go all out with the house, but it’s better to take it easy. The process puts too much pressure on us all. Christmas is about family time, not flashing lights and figurines. The defence: Aileen My children should be grateful I make the effort to decorate the house, and respect my feelings Every Christmas, I move the boxes from the cellar and put the decorations up. After my hard work, Ciara will pop up and say: “Oh it’s lovely. It all looks so Christmassy. Can I help?” But most of the time it’s already done. For Ciara, the idea of decorating is much more exciting than the reality. She wants to come and place the last bauble on the tree, but even then she will probably break it. A lot of mothers are territorial over the tree. When Ciara was small, she’d bring back decorations she’d made at school. I’d say, “Yes, it’s lovely darling,” then hide it around the back. Now my kids are older, I still like decorating the tree as a family, but when their backs are turned or they’ve gone to bed, I move things about. I rearrange it to my taste. I like things to be symmetrical. When Ciara smashed a bauble that was precious to me, she was like, “Oh, well.” But it had been in the family for years. I don’t think I reacted too badly – she’s exaggerating. But Ciara doesn’t realise that decorations have sentimental value. The nativity crib gets pride of place in our home: we put it in the hallway. I set out the figures to look just right but Ciara always rearranges it. Things have gone missing over the years: the ox and the kings have mysteriously vanished. That stresses me out because I put a lot of effort into making it look good. When it’s time to take down the decorations, everyone is suddenly busy. While Ciara has benefited from my arrangements all Christmas, she quickly disappears when it’s time to remove them. I have an orderly process of packing them away so that next year it’s easy to unbox. But Ciara just wants to throw it all in the cellar. I put a lot of effort into making the house look nice. It’s something my mother always did and it’s been passed down. I want Ciara and her siblings to carry on the tradition but also to ensure that they make themselves free when I ask, and to take more care when handling decorations. Ciara is lucky I still put so much effort into the house each Christmas – many families don’t bother. The jury of Guardian readers Should Aileen stop being a Christmas decoration tyrant? Aileen should be free to decorate the house how she wants – that’s not actually the issue. The issue is the emotional blackmail and unreasonable demands she makes of her children. She has no right to expect them to join in her decorating frenzy, and needs to let them live their own lives. Martin, 50 Judging others’ actions based on exacting specifications is no fun for anyone. The family should start a new tradition. Have one day for Aileen to set up non-negotiable festive displays, and a second for the family to add finishing touches and enjoy shared time. Shona, 41 I have nothing but sympathy for Ciara and her siblings. Feeling forced to carry on a tradition that’s both time-consuming and stressful sounds pretty awful. Aileen needs to chill and recognise how wonderful it is that the kids even come home for Christmas! That’s the important bit. Jude, 52 I side with the prosecution. Christmas baubles are delicate, and breakages are inevitable. Aileen also upsets her family when she rearranges the decorations, creating tension. Jan, 69 Christmas can be such a fraught time and it sounds as if Aileen regards herself as the “keeper of traditions”. That’s fine – as long as she owns it! If she wants to put the tree up and pack the items her way then she cannot expect others to join in the exacting regime. I’m with Ciara. Emma, 52 You be the judge So now you can be the judge, click on the poll below to tell us: should Aileen stop being so picky about the Christmas decorations? We’ll share the results on the next You be the judge, in two weeks’ time.