The prosecution: Maureen Nathan should save up to go to a salon instead of using our bathroom like it’s his boudoir My son, Nathan, has just moved back home after university and he’s at that stage where he’s experimenting with his hair. He is always messing around with hair dyes in our bathroom and it’s making a right mess. I wouldn’t mind if we lived in a mansion and he had his own bathroom, but the rest of us have to use the sink after he’s spilled green, black or blond dye all over it. It’s inconsiderate as I end up doing most of the cleaning up. I’m always telling him: “Nathan, don’t you dare dye your hair again without wiping the bathroom down after you,” and he will say, “Yeah, yeah, Mum”, but there’s always splodges of something on the mirror or the shower or the taps. He’s always been a messy boy. After showering he leaves pools of water on the floor and he never wipes down the shower. If he’s shaved there will be hairs all over the sink, too. I think he’s actually got worse since university because his father and I weren’t around to tell him off. He’s a law unto himself. Nathan came out as gay four years ago, which his father and I totally support. Around the same time, he started experimenting with his clothes and hair. I don’t mind that, of course – I want him to feel totally comfortable with who he is. I’d just rather he saved up to go to a salon instead of turning our bathroom into a boudoir. I paid for him to have his hair done once for his birthday, but three months later he was plastering pink dye over it to create a new style, which was annoying. Nathan’s had a few outlandish styles in his 21 years. He once had his head shaved, with half of it dyed green and the other half dyed blond. Admittedly, that wasn’t my favourite look, but it’s not my hair. To me he looked like a skinhead from back in my day. If Nathan can’t save up to go to a salon, then he should stop dyeing his hair at home altogether. I’m loath to ban his self-expression entirely, but a bit more care would be appreciated. The defence: Nathan Mum will always find a speck of dye somewhere – but this is really about her not liking my hairstyles My mum has never liked me highlighting my hair. When I dyed it green and blond she kicked up a big fuss and said that I looked like a “punk”. I told her, “That was the intention, hun.” I think she feigns concern about the cleanliness of the bathroom, but this is really about the fact she doesn’t like me experimenting with bright looks. She’s always been quite conservative and even though she says it’s fine, I suspect some of her complaints are really about wanting to control me a bit. I dress in bright colours, with lots of silver studded belts and different patterned trousers. Mum doesn’t tell me that she doesn’t like my style, but I get that impression. She says stuff like, “Oh, that’s a lot of colour, love.” I get along with both my parents, but Dad is definitely more chilled. He’ll defend me if I leave a bit of hair dye on the bathroom floor, whereas Mum can kick off. She says it’s because she’s asked me to be careful, and that I’m deliberately messy, but that’s not the case. I try to keep the dye in the shower and I wipe things down after me – but she will always find a speck of something somewhere. It’s more of an affront if the dye is black and it’s on the floor, because we have white tiles. I asked her to pay for me to go to a salon if she’s so bothered, kind of as a half-joke, but also to see if she would. She didn’t like that one. She said I was spoilt. But Mum has only treated me to some highlights once, for my 21st last year, so I’m not spoilt. I’d pay to get my hair done professionally if I had more money, but at the moment I’m interning, so that’s not really possible. If Mum hates me doing DIY dyeing she could set up a hair fund to ensure her poor struggling son continues to slay. I came out a few years ago, and thankfully my parents were very supportive. They think my hair dyeing is just a phase, but I can’t see this changing any time soon. I can try to be extra diligent when I’m dyeing my hair, but until I’m making shedloads of cash – or my parents enforce an outright ban – I’m not going to stop doing it at home. The jury of Guardian readers Should Nathan stop dyeing his hair in Maureen’s bathroom? Their relationship has changed following Nathan’s newfound independence at university, and they will inevitably butt heads over renegotiating house rules. Maureen should clearly explain the standard of cleanliness she expects; if Nathan refuses to comply, she is within her rights to enforce an outright ban. Benedict, 21 Comments like “mum can kick off” and “asked her to pay” hint at entitlement. If you live in someone else’s house, you live by the rules they set. If you don’t like the rules, leave. If you don’t have money to go to a salon, make some – or wait until you live alone and can make your own rules. Brody, 32 Mum, if he can’t clean up after himself by the age of 21 he’s never going to. Nathan, I agree it’s not cheap to look good but if your mum’s writing to a newspaper for help, maybe you need to put as much effort into cleaning up as you do into your hair. Rhys, 37 Regardless of what his mum thinks of Nathan’s style, he shouldn’t leave hair dye all over someone else’s bathroom – even if it feels like home. The “she feigns concern about cleanliness” comment makes him sound like he just doesn’t care. Pom, 49 Your mum sounds like a saint, you lucky boy. It sounds like you do a fab job of looking spectacular, but the onus is on you to clean up after yourself. If you can’t leave the bathroom dye-free, I suggest Mum asks you to leave. It might be better for your relationship in the long-term. Clementine, 72 Now you be the judge In our online poll below, tell us: should Nathan stop dyeing his hair in Maureen’s bathroom?