Since I stopped breastfeeding four months ago, I have been aroused to the point where it is distracting me from parenting. I am happily married with three preschoolers. My husband and I have a trusting and adventurous sex life, but I find myself having to masturbate at least twice a day so that I can think about something other than sex for a few hours. The scenarios can be uncomfortable: for example, I’ve begun fantasising about women and other men. I am hoping that this problem is not uncommon and perhaps it is due to my hormones readjusting. You are correct, this is not uncommon and such a libido surge is normal as hormones readjust. You may have to plan your day to allow for it, but I hope you will try not to feel ashamed of these natural feelings. On the contrary, perhaps you could start to enjoy them. And this may be the time to remind your husband of the lusty woman you really are; the chances are that he will be delighted. Even though you probably settled into a family-focused schedule while breastfeeding, it would be worth making time for erotic intimacy from this point on. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.