That’s all for tonight’s Clockwatch. Thanks as always for your company and emails. It wasn’t the greatest advert for the new Champions League, but it beats watching Pine Barrens again. Right? Match report: Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Manchester City This had become akin to an attacking exercise for City. A Foden attempt was parried by Takac on to the post and Slovan escaped again, as the drummer behind the keeper’s goal led Slovan’s tifosi in endless chants that created a festive atmosphere despite the score. Guardiola was not content, though, with City’s sloppiness, Foden a main culprit, as when losing the ball, forcing Haaland to gallop back to help, the manager wheeling round to grumble to his coaching staff at this. Match report: Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Three years ago Arsenal weren’t even in Europe; now they’re one of the best teams in Europe. David Hytner was at the Emirates to watch them beat PSG. Match report: Dortmund 7-1 Celtic The Champions League has a habit of inflicting these inglorious episodes on Celtic. It is difficult to shake the notion that this big fish simply cannot swim when removed from its small domestic pond. Tomorrow’s fixture list is reasonably mouthwatering, with Aston Villa v Bayern Munich standing out to this weary pair of eyes. Girona v Feyenoord Shakhtar v Atalanta Aston Villa v Bayern Benfica v Atletico Madrid Dinamo Zagreb v Monaco Lille v Real Madrid Liverpool v Bologna RB Leipzig v Juventus Sturm Graz v Club Brugge The updated Champions League table Ignore the bit at the bottom; apparently our automated feed is trolling Celtic. Full time results It’s all over in Leverkusen, where the home side have held on to beat Milan 1-0, and that completes our business. There were nine games, 32 goals, a few mismatches and a couple of exciting contests. Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 5-0 Young Boys Dortmund 7-1 Celtic Inter 4-0 Red Star Leverkusen 1-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-1 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague Full time: Dortmund 7-1 Celtic “Does losing 7-1 to a German team mean Celtic are the Brazil of Europe?” asks Adam Becker. Full time: Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Another good night for Arsenal, probably their best Champions League victory since they beat Bayern Munich nine years ago. Scott Murray has more. Full time: Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Man City Are you not entertained? 87 min: Leverkusen 1-0 Milan Ruben Loftus-Cheek hooks a shot on the turn that is punched away by the keeper Hradecky. Sounds like it’s been all Milan since Leverkusen took the lead. GOAL! PSV 1-1 Sporting CP (Braganca 84) The Portuguese leaders are level in Eindhoven thanks to the substitute Daniel Braganca. It was a neat finish, volleyed into the roof of the net from a deflected left-wing cross. Actually, replays suggest he might have shinned it, not that he’ll care. 83 min: Leverkusen 1-0 AC Milan Theo Hernandez hits the bar with a deflected long-range, and the substitute Alvaro Morata heads the rebound just wide. Eek, that was a terrific chance. Newcastle have beaten AFC Wimbledon 1-0 in the Carabao Cup. Fabian Schar scored a penalty just before half-time; the stats (77 per cent possession, 20 shots to none) suggest a deceptively comfortable win. The latest scores Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 5-0 Young Boys Dortmund 7-1 Celtic Inter 4-0 Red Star Leverkusen 1-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Barcelona 5-0 Young Boys (Camara own goal 81) GOAL! Inter 4-0 Red Star (Taremi 82 pen) After a VAR review that went on for a couple of millennia, Mehdi Taremi scores from the spot to put Inter 4-0 ahead. GOAL! Dortmund 7-1 Celtic (Nmecha 79) The substitute Felix Nmecha has made it S-I-E-B-E-N for Dortmund, slamming a loose ball into the net from 15 yards. Most of the matches are petering out, though Milan are pushing hard for an equaliser in Leverkusen. Xabi Alonso is happy to cut his clo- oh lordy, hang on. 72 min: Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain PSG have the aura of a team who suddenly fancy getting back into this, and the denizens of the Emirates sense it. The first half was comfortable for the hosts; the second, despite the scoreline, doesn’t feel the same. GOAL! Slovan Bratislava 0-4 Man City (McAtee 74) The substitute James McAtee gets his first Champions League goal, emphatically finishing a lovely move that involved Lewis, Foden and about half the team. “Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh, and here it comes folks. “Celtic are getting licked like an envelope!” The value of the exclamation mark, right there. GOAL! Inter 3-0 Red Star (Lautaro Martinez 72) Look, not every game can be infused with jeopardy! Mehdi Taremi gets his second pressing-based assist, winning the ball before playing in Lautaro Martinez to make it three. “As soon as I saw that Brendan Rogers had been talking next levels before Dortmund had been played,” begins Ian Copestake, “I began to have recurring visions of envelopes.” I felt sorry for Brendon over that business. Lord Ferg did a similar thing 19 years earlier and everyone said he was a genius fae Govan. 68 min: Dortmund 6-1 Celtic “Welp,” says James Humphries, “my (Celtic-supporting) mate had a bet on there being seven goals in it; but cashed out at half time, so I imagine he’s adopting the foetal position about now.” His internal monologue in the 120 seconds preceding that decision would make for a cracking little radio play. GOAL! Dortmund 6-1 Celtic (Guirassy 66) Serhou Guirassy makes it 6-1 to Dortmund with a lovely, slick finish. The good news for Brendan Rodgers is that Celtic’s heaviest European defeat is 7-0; the bad news is he was the manager then as well. The latest scores Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 4-0 Young Boys Dortmund 5-1 Celtic Inter 2-0 Red Star Leverkusen 1-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-3 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Inter 2-0 Red Star (Arnautovic 59) Marko Arnautovic gets his first goal of the season, sliding the ball in from 10 yards after Mehdi Taremi won the ball on the edge of the area and then picked him out with a low pass. 59 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-3 Man City Erling Haaland has done his business for the night. walking round the keeper after running onto a deadly through ball from Rico Lewis. The defending was, a-hem, imperfect but that’s not City’s problem. GOAL! Slovan Bratislava 0-3 Man City (Haaland 58) Look, not every game can be infused with jeopardy. Boniface’s effort means we’ve had at least one goal in all nine Champions League games. And here’s the proof. Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 4-0 Young Boys Dortmund 5-1 Celtic Inter 1-0 Red Star Leverkusen 1-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Leverkusen 1-0 Milan (Boniface 52) For the second time tonight, Victor Boniface scores the opening goal. The first goal was disallowed for offside in the build-up; this one counts despite Milan appealing for offside again. Frimpong’s shot was saved and Boniface helped himself to the rebound from four yards. GOAL! Barcelona 4-0 Young Boys (Lewandowski 51) Two for Robert Lewandowski, four for Barcelona. It was another simple close-range finish after Martinez headed a corner back across the face of goal. Nuttin but a number Peep peep! Half two or Matchday Two (Evening One) is under way. I’m off to put drops in my eyes. No, Oz, not those drops. Here’s some half-time reading to lighten the mood. Half time A very good half for Arsenal and Dortmund, a stroll in Slovakia for City. And an abject nightmare for Celtic. These are the half-time scores. Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 3-0 Young Boys Dortmund 5-1 Celtic Inter 1-0 Red Star Leverkusen 0-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) “It was a penalty because he was kicked after the ball had gone,” says Andy Flintoff. “Theatrical falls aside, that’s exactly what the referee would have seen to give it. Hope that helps.” Well, I haven’t had chance to analyse it to the nth degree because I’m trying to cover seven games and my eyes stopped working properly after that flurry of goals around 8.10pm, but contact doesn’t always warrant a penalty. Maybe it did on this occasion, maybe it didn’t. When did we all – and I include myself in this, hence the words ‘we’ and ‘all’ - become so humourlessly certain? 39 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Man City Ilkay Gundogan becomes the third City player, after Doku and Foden, to hit the woodwork. 44 min: Dortmund 5-1 Celtic Emre Can misses a chance to make it 6-1 after another electric run from Adeyemi. Brendan Rodgers shakes his head, his soul weeping silently. Here’s Adeyemi’s second goal, a right banger. GOAL! Dortmund 5-1 Celtic (Adeyemi 42) My word. Karim Adeyemi rifles a 20-yarder into the bottom corner to complete a first half hat-trick and compound Celtic’s misery. Truly, there are levels to this thing. Dortmund 4-1 Celtic “How in god’s name is that a penalty?” says James Humphries. “Even softer than Kane getting his delicate wee toesies hurt at the Euros. You can see the Dortmund lad have a wee think and then hit the deck, ffs.” Don’t worry, these mistakes won’t happen once they bring in video referees. GOAL! Dortmund 4-1 Celtic (Guirassy 40 pen) Dortmund are awarded a soft-looking penalty for a foul on Adeyemi. He’s on a hat-trick, Emre Can took the first penalty – but it’s Serhou Guirassy who walks up to slam the ball past Schmeichel. Celtic are being marmalised. The latest bleedin’ scores Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 3-0 Young Boys Dortmund 3-1 Celtic Inter 1-0 Red Star Leverkusen 0-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Barcelona 3-0 Young Boys (Martinez 37) Inigo Martinez heads Pedri’s free-kick into the net to put Barcelona three up. GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 Paris Saint-Germain (Saka 35) Arsenal find another way to score from a set-piece: Bukayo Saka’s free-kick is missed by everyone and goes into the net. Scott Murray has more. GOAL! Barcelona 2-0 Young Boys (Raphinha 34) Raphinha made the first; now he’s scored the second from close range. Milk Cup A Fabian Schar penalty on the stroke of half time has put Newcastle ahead against AFC Wimbledon. 30 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Man City Phil Foden had a shot fumbled onto the post a couple of minutes ago. City are winning without an ounce of bother. The latest scores Arsenal 1-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 1-0 Young Boys Dortmund 3-1 Celtic Inter 1-0 Red Star Leverkusen 0-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 1-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Dortmund 3-1 Celtic (Adeyemi 29) Celtic’s perfect start to the season has gone south inside half an hour. Karim Adeyemi has scored his second goal, and this time it needed no deflection. It was a ferocious finish, thrashed past Schmeichel at the near post from a very tight angle. Schmeichel was probably expecting a cross. As things stand, the three Bs are top of the Champions League 24 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Man City Jeremy Doku is in unplayable mode tonight. He played a part in the first goal, made the second and has just hit the bar with an extravagant left-foot curler. 26 min: Dortmund 2-1 Celtic This game looks really open, particularly when Dortmund are attacking. Pascal Gross was clean through on goal but tried to give the goal to somebody else and failed. Carabao Cup department “Still 0-0 between Newcastle and AFC Wimbledon in the Worthington Cup,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Waking up for this at 4am is pretty much my impersonation of Paul Bettany torturing himself repeatedly in The Da Vinci Code, but there is a local magpie I’ve recently befriended and I’m expecting it over for breakfast. "Is the Champions League really more entertaining than my morning?” It? Are you respecting its privacy? NO GOAL! Leverkusen 0-0 Milan Frimpong was slightly offside, so he can keep his superb cross. GOAL! Leverkusen 1-0 Milan (Boniface 21) Milan’s false start to the Champions Leaue continues: Victor Boniface has volleyed Leverkusen into a deserved lead from Jeremie Frimpong’s superb cross. GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Paris Saint-Germain (Havertz 20) Kai Havertz has opened the scoring at the Emirates. Scott Murray will give you chapter and vertz. 17 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Man City Rico Lewis pokes a nice pass through to Erling Haaland, whose close-range shot is very well saved. GOAL! PSV 1-0 Sporting CP (Schouten 15) Jerdy Schouten intercepts a dodgy pass 25 yards from goal, takes a couple of touches and crashes the ball into the far corner. What a sweet finish. The latest scores Arsenal 0-0 Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona 1-0 Young Boys Dortmund 2-1 Celtic Inter 1-0 Red Star Leverkusen 0-0 Milan PSV Eindhoven 0-0 Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Manchester City Salzburg 0-4 Brest (FT) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (FT) GOAL! Slovan Bratislava 0-2 Man City (Foden 15) Phil Foden, starting his first League game of the season, has doubled City’s lead with a fine finish. Doku played the ball back to him on the edge of the box, and Foden guided it beautifully into the far corner. GOAL! Inter 1-0 Red Star (Calhanoglu 11) A spectacular, if also deflected, free-kick from Hakan Calhanoglu has put Inter ahead. 12 min: Dortmund 2-1 Celtic Adeyemi’s goal came seconds after the Dortmund keeper Gregor Kobel had the ball at his feet. His long kick was laid off superbly by Guirassy to Brandt, who put Adeyemi through on goal. His shot took a big deflection off Trusty and beat Schmeichel at the near post. GOAL! Dortmund 2-1 Celtic (Adeyemi 11) Dortmund are back in front through Karim Adeyemi! Maeda had only just equalised, although he didn’t know much about it. Can made a mess of Arne Engels’ cross and the ball hit Maede, six yards out, before flying in. GOAL! Barcelona 1-0 Young Boys (Lewandowski 8) An open goal from Raphinha’s cross on the turn. GOAL! Dortmund 1-1 Celtic (Maeda 9) Daizen Maeda has equalised straight away! GOAL! Slovan Bratislava 0-1 Man City (Gundogan 8) Ilkay Gundogan gets the first goal of his second spell at Manchester City. Savinho’s volley was blocked and rebounded to Gundogan on the edge of the area. He belted a first-time shot that took a big deflection and flew into the top corner. GOAL! Dortmund 1-0 Celtic (Can 8 pen) Emre Can pings the penalty nonchalantly down the middle. Penalty to Dortmund Jamie Bynoe-Gittens takes advantage of a fortuitous ricochet, goes round Kasper Schmeichel and is brought down. A clear penalty. 5 min: Dortmund 0-0 Celtic All Dortmund, it says here. 2 min: Slovan Bratislava 0-0 Man City A City corner almost leads to a goal – for Bratislava. They broke with pace and precision, covering almost the length of the field before Tigran Barseghyan rifled just wide from the edge of the area. It’s almost time for kick-off in the seven late games. Don’t forget that Arsenal v Paris Saint-Germain has a liveblog all to itself. The things we do for page impressions our readers, eh. Friends/former colleagues reunited Brest are top of the Champions League I swear you’ll never see anything like this ever again. So gawp at it. Drink it in. Full time: Salzburg 0-4 Brest Brest have run riot in Austria to continue their perfect start to Champions League life. Next up: Bayer Leverkusen at home. Full time: Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague In their last home game, Stuttgart plugged Dortmund 5-1. Tonight they’ve been held by Sparta Prague, who earned a point through Kaan Kairinen’s mighty free-kick. There are nine more games tomorrow, including Aston Villa v Bayern Munich… … and Liverpool v Bologna. Read Jamie Jackson’s preview of Slovan Bratislava v Manchester City “According to your preamble no team has ever qualified from the league stage after losing its first two games,” says Richard Hirst. “But can this apply to new Bigger Cup, with a very different league stage? Are we in a Schrodinger’s-league situation, with the league existing and not existing at the same time?” We’re not in a Schrodinger’s-league situation so much as a weary-hack-cracking-facile-gags situation. Dortmund v Celtic preview We’re playing against a team that are challenging the very top end of elite football. But for us, I’ve always said, whether it’s domestically or whether it’s away in this competition, it’s making us a really difficult team to play against, with and without the ball. That’s what we want to be able to do. GOAL! Salzburg 0-4 Brest (Pereira Lage 75) GOAl! Salzburg 0-3 Brest (Sima 71) The greatest story in football history continues. Abdallah Sima has scored his second and Brest’s third, strengthening their hold on this season’s Champions League. “Hi Rob, from a finally sunny Indianapolis, after four days of Helene-inspired gloom and rain!” writes Joe Pearson. “Thanks to the vast buffet that is Paramount+, I have my choice of matches. Which one is the gem of the bunch? I’m tempted by Leverkusen-Milan, but I might just go for the whiparound show. Or there’s baseball playoffs. The dilemmas of a retired American.” If I wasn’t working I’d probably be watching Pine Barrens for the 497th time Arsenal v PSG, though the Leverkusen and Dortmund games are also appealing. It’s David Squires, it’s great GOAL! Salzburg 0-2 Brest (Camara 66) Mahdi Camara has doubled Brest’s lead in Austria, and you know what that means. Internazionale v Red Star Belgrade team news Barcelona v Young Boys team news A piece of advice: if you ever need team news for Young Boys, don’t type ‘Young Boys Twitter’ into Google. PSV v Sporting CP team news Breaking news that has nothing whatsoever to do with the Champions League or any European competition because the ban would only have applied to domestic games. Leverkusen v Milan team news 56 min: Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague “I recommend you look up Kairinen’s goal for Sparta Prague,” writes Kári Tulinius. “It’s the type of free kick that isn’t in fashion these days, the ball flew like it was on a VHS tape called 101 Great Free Kicks, hitting the top of the post before flying in, with the goalkeeper an inch from getting a hand to it.” Dortmund v Celtic team news Celtic have been walloping allcomers so it’s no surprise they’re unchanged. So are Dortmund, who beat VfL Bochum on Friday night. Arsenal v Paris Saint-Germain team news Mikel Arteta has named an unchanged team. You can read all about that and the PSG XI with Scott Murray. Slovan Bratislava v Manchester City team news Plenty of rotation from Pep, as you’d expect. Stefan Ortega Moreno, John Stones, Phil Foden, Savinho, Matheus Nunes and Jeremy Doku all come into the side. Foden starts for the first time this season in either the Premier League or Champions League. Slovan Bratislava Takac, Blackman, Kashia, Bajric, Wimmer, Savvidis, Ignatenko, Barseghyan, Tolic, Weiss, Strelec. Substitutes: Trnovsky, Hrdina, Voet, Medvedev, Marcelli, Mustafic, Mak, Zuberu, Pauschek, Gajdos, Szoke, Metsoko. Big Cup is dead, long live Bigger Cup It’s half-time in the two early games. Abdallah Sima has put Brest ahead at Salzburg – and top of the as-it-stands Champions League table and yes we are milking this – while Stuttgart are level at home to Sparta Prague. Enzo Millot scored for Stuttgart; Kaan Kairinen equalised for Sparta. Preamble Good evening one and all. Life moves pretty fast, and by tomorrow night we’ll be a quarter of the way through the new league stage of the Champions League. A quarter! Two-eighths! Before you know it it’ll be 31 May 2025 and Carlo Ancelotti will be eating another celebratory cigar. Carlo’s men aren’t in action tonight, but there are nine games involving eight former winners of the competition. The most eyecatching contest is between two teams who have never been champions of Europe: Arsenal and Paris Saint-Germain, who meet at the Emirates Stadium. That match has its own liveblog right here. There are two meetings of former champions: Borussia Dortmund (1997) v Celtic (1967) and Internazionale (1964, 1965, 2010) at home to Red Star Belgrade (1991). Manchester City and Barcelona have winnable matches, while AC Milan have a tricky trip to Leverkusen. They were well beaten by Liverpool a fortnight ago and their manager Paulo Fonseca will be conscious that no team has ever qualified from the league stage after losing their first two games. These are the fixtures, all 8pm BST kick-offs unless otherwise stated. Salzburg 0-1 Brest (5.45pm) Stuttgart 1-1 Sparta Prague (5.45pm) Arsenal v Paris Saint-Germain Barcelona v Young Boys Dortmund v Celtic Inter v Red Star Leverkusen v Milan PSV Eindhoven v Sporting CP Slovan Bratislava v Manchester City