Anyway, thanks for reading this Clockwatch. Those desirous of more live, as-it-happens football may be directed here … … while later tonight there’ll be an MBM of Aston Villa v Chelsea. Enjoy, enjoy! Fulham 1-1 Crystal Palace. There was little riding on this one, but Jeff Schlupp made it memorable. West Ham United 2-2 Liverpool. Earlier in the day, this draw did neither side any good, as Liverpool’s title dream and West Ham’s European hopes were all but ended. A result with big repercussions, and yet overshadowed by that full and frank exchange of views between Jurgen Klopp and Mo Salah. Jacob Steinberg has more. Manchester United 1-1 Burnley. Jamie Jackson reports from Old Trafford, where André Onana’s slapstick error gifted Burnley a precious point in their battle against the drop, and seriously compromised his own side’s European ambitions. Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-1 Luton Town. John Brewin was at Molineux to witness Luton pass up another chance to clamber out of the relegation mire. Newcastle United 5-1 Sheffield United. Louise Taylor was at St James’ Park as the Blades battled for the best part of an hour before succumbing to relegation. Post-match postbag. “If the Clarets were better at taking their chances, they’d be out of sight. That’s basically the story of the Manchester United season. Ten Hag has found the Premier League’s strikers to be, to borrow Ford Prefect’s description of Earth, mostly harmless” – Kári Tulinius “Manchester United. Once the Kings of the Premier League. Now just another team along with the rest of us plebs” – Mary Waltz “You see, that’s not fair. Onana was entitled to think goalkeepers can punch forwards in the head after the decision in the Wolves game” – Adam Roberts Scottish Premiership full-times. Livingston aren’t down yet, their victory over Ross County ensuring their battle continues for another day. It also stops St Johnstone from slipping into the relegation/promotion play-off position. Aberdeen 1-0 Motherwell Kilmarnock 0-0 Hearts Livingston 2-0 Ross County St Johnstone 1-3 Hibernian League Two full-times. Wrexham secure second spot ahead of Mansfield. Doncaster, Crewe and Crawley all make the play-offs; Barrow and Bradford narrowly miss out. Sutton join Forest Green in departing the Football League. AFC Wimbledon 5-1 Walsall Accrington Stanley 4-1 Tranmere Rovers Barrow 1-1 Mansfield Town Bradford City 4-1 Newport County Colchester United 1-1 Crewe Alexandra Crawley Town 2-0 Grimsby Town Forest Green Rovers 1-0 Notts County Gillingham 2-2 Doncaster Rovers MK Dons 4-4 Sutton United Salford City 2-2 Harrogate Town Swindon Town 3-3 Morecambe Wrexham 2-1 Stockport County Championship full-times. West Brom leave the play-off door open for Hull, who host Ipswich tonight. The Baggies’ defeat at Sheffield Wednesday gives the latter a huge boost in their fight against relegation, though along with Blackburn, Plymouth and Birmingham, they’re not safe yet. Huddersfield aren’t technically down, but they’d need a swing of 15 goals on the final day if they were to survive at Plymouth’s expense. Blackburn Rovers 0-0 Coventry City Bristol City 2-0 Rotherham United Cardiff City 1-4 Middlesbrough Huddersfield 1-1 Birmingham City Millwall 1-0 Plymouth Argyle Norwich City 2-2 Swansea City Sheffield Wednesday 3-0 West Bromwich Albion Southampton 0-1 Stoke City Watford 1-0 Sunderland Premier League full-times Newcastle rout Sheffield United for the second time this season, and the latter’s relegation to the Championship is confirmed. Burnley’s hopes of holding onto their Premier League status stay alive, though, with a precious point after a deserved draw at Old Trafford. It’s another poor result for the under-fire Erik ten Hag. Meanwhile Luton’s defeat at Wolves edges the Hatters closer to the drop, while Palace’s good run continues after a late equaliser at Fulham. Fulham 1-1 Crystal Palace Manchester United 1-1 Burnley Newcastle United 5-1 Sheffield United Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-1 Luton Town FULL TIME: Newcastle United 5-1 Sheffield United Newcastle complete what is in effect a 13-1 aggregate victory over Sheffield United, and the Blades are down. The St James’ PA plays Movin’ On Up by Primal Scream, which is a bit on the nose. FULL TIME: Manchester United 1-1 Burnley A precious point for the Clarets. Boos ring around Old Trafford. FULL TIME: Fulham 1-1 Crystal Palace Palace can’t make it four wins in a row, but they’ll be happy to escape Craven Cottage with a late-won point. FULL TIME: Wolves 2-1 Luton No comeback for relegation-haunted Wolves. FULL TIME: Huddersfield 1-1 Birmingham. Huddersfield aren’t technically relegated, but they’re as good as down. They need to win and make up 12 goals on the final day if they’re to escape. Their players know what’s what, and fall to the turf as one. Newcastle United 5-1 Sheffield United. Jayden Bogle is brought down in the box. A penalty is awarded, but VAR takes a long, long look … and sends the referee to the monitor. No pen. The foul started outside the area, it’s eventually decided. Not that it really matters now. GOAL! Fulham 1-1 Crystal Palace (Schlupp 87) Jeff Schlupp pings a half-volley into the net from the edge of the box, and Palace’s renaissance under Oliver Glasner continues apace! GOAL! Manchester United 1-1 Burnley (Amdouni pen 87) Andre Onana has made several big saves today … but he’s responsible for Burnley’s equaliser! While attempting to punch a ball clear, he punches Zeki Amdouni in the head! A facsimile copy of his unpunished error on the opening day against Wolves. Amdouni gets up and rolls in the spot kick. Wolves 2-1 Luton. The Hatters come close to an equaliser! Their corner is only half cleared by Wolves; Cauley Woodrow creams a volley wide. GOAL! Wolves 2-1 Luton (Morris 80) Carlton Morris keeps Luton hoping. GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Burnley (Antony 79) Antony has a similar decision to make. He’s nudged, but decides to shoot instead. Deadlock broken! Burnley, who have had the better chances, only to be denied repeatedly by a standout performance from Andre Onana, are sickened. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. The in-flight Alejandro Garnacho enters the Burnley box and is lightly clipped by Dara O’Shea. He opts to go down rather than shoot. Bad choice, because the referee deems the contact minimal, not enough for Garnacho to go down, and VAR agrees. Everton v Brentford. This looked like a relegation six-pointer just a couple of weeks ago. Not any more. Barry Glendenning has all the team news for tonight’s 5.30pm kick-off. GOAL! Newcastle United 5-1 Sheffield United (Wilson 72) Callum Wilson takes his turn to score against a beaten docket. A reminder that Newcastle won the reverse fixture 8-0. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. A couple of chances for the visitors, but Jacob Bruun Larsen and Zeki Amdouni pass them up. Still goalless at Old Trafford despite the usual Ten Hagian number of chances at both ends. GOAL! Newcastle United 4-1 Sheffield United (Osborn 65 og) Sheffield United were arguably the better side until Newcastle scored their second. Now look. The Championship beckons. GOAL! Newcastle United 3-1 Sheffield United (Isak 61 pen) Alexander Isak slots the spot kick, and the Blades are heading down. Chris Paraskevas can stop worrying about Newcastle’s back line now. Newcastle United 2-1 Sheffield United. Penalty for the hosts! Anthony Gordon brought down by Mason Holgate. “Not exactly enamoured by Newcastle’s defensive effort tonight,” begins Chris Paraskevas. “It has a Bramble/Boumsong flavour to it with the whole impending calamity angle. Were it not for Bruno G’s quick-thinking, it might well be 3-0 to Sheffield United. Good thing for us they can’t finish.” GOAL! Newcastle United 2-1 Sheffield United (Guimaraes 54) The Blades have battled … but now they’re staring relegation in the face. Bruno Guimaraes heads an Anthony Gordon free kick into the bottom corner and unless Sheffield United find a goal, they’re heading back to the Championship. GOAL! Livingston 2-0 Ross County (Kelly 53 pen). Sean Kelly doubles Livi’s lead from the spot, and it’s looking like they’ll be hanging onto their Premiership status for at least one more week. GOAL! Fulham 1-0 Crystal Palace (Muniz 52) A Rodrigo Muniz header breaks the deadlock at the Cottage against in-form Palace. GOAL! Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-0 Luton Town (Toti 50) Corner. Header. Wolves double their lead. Luton’s Premier League coat on a shoogly peg. GOAL! Huddersfield 1-1 Birmingham (Healey 47). Rhys Healey wastes little time in drawing Huddersfield level at Kirklees. A reminder that defeat would be guasend them down … and in fact they’ll still be down with a draw because Plymouth are currently avoiding defeat, while Sheffield Wednesday are winning. League Two half-times. As it stands, Sutton United are heading out of the Football League along with Forest Green Rovers. Barrow need a win to guarantee a play-off spot but they’re losing at home to already-promoted Mansfield. In the play-off spots right now: MK Dons, Doncaster, Crawley and Crewe. AFC Wimbledon 2-1 Walsall Accrington Stanley 1-1 Tranmere Rovers Barrow 0-1 Mansfield Town Bradford City 2-0 Newport County Colchester United 1-0 Crewe Alexandra Crawley Town 2-0 Grimsby Town Forest Green Rovers 0-0 Notts County Gillingham 0-2 Doncaster Rovers MK Dons 2-0 Sutton United Salford City 2-2 Harrogate Town Swindon Town 2-2 Morecambe Wrexham 0-1 Stockport County Championship half-times. Huddersfield are going down to League One as things stand. Birmingham would still be in the bottom three, but they’d have a chance of escape next weekend. However, Blues can be relegated today should Huddersfield turn it around, while Sheffield Wednesday and Plymouth win and Blackburn avoid defeat. Blackburn Rovers 0-0 Coventry City Bristol City 1-0 Rotherham United Cardiff City 0-1 Middlesbrough Huddersfield 0-1 Birmingham City Millwall 0-0 Plymouth Argyle Norwich City 2-1 Swansea City Sheffield Wednesday 1-0 West Bromwich Albion Southampton 0-1 Stoke City Watford 0-0 Sunderland Premier League half-times It’s not exactly been a banner afternoon. So far. Fulham 0-0 Crystal Palace Manchester United 0-0 Burnley Newcastle United 1-1 Sheffield United Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-0 Luton Town GOAL! Huddersfield 0-1 Birmingham (Miyoshi 45). A huge goal at the bottom of the Championship. The Terriers will be relegated if they lose, and now look. A low cross from the left finds Koji Miyoshi at the far stick. He guides a shot back across the keeper, off the inside of the left-hand post, and in. Wolves 1-0 Luton. “Hee-chan completely undressed the unfortunate Luton centre back on that one-versus-one opening goal,” writes Mary Waltz. GOAL! Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-0 Luton Town (Hwang 39) A chance for Carlton Morris. He heads it straight at José Sá. Wolves counter, Hwang Hee-chan shoots, and his effort is deflected past Thomas Kaminski by Teden Mengi. The small margins. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. The relegation-haunted sides are giving it a good go now. Lyle Foster thinks he’s scored but Andre Onana claws his header away from danger. Newcastle United 1-1 Sheffield United. As previously stated, the Blades don’t seem to be minded to go down without a fight. Mason Holgate hits the woodwork. So close to regaining the lead. Decent chances for Ben Brereton Diaz and Andre Brooks too. That’s a fine response to Isak’s equaliser. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. United have been piling up the chances, but still no breakthrough. Burnley finally show something up the other end, Wilson Odobert and Lyle Foster trying their luck from distance. Attack presumably the best form of defence. GOAL! Newcastle United 1-1 Sheffield United (Isak 26) Sheffield United had been the better side for 25 minutes. But Alexander Isak spins his way into space and soon afterwards the Toon are on terms. That’s costly for the Blades as things stand, because should Burnley hold on for a point at Old Trafford, a draw would be enough to send Chris Wilder’s side down. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. United getting closer. Bruno Fernandes crashes a shot from a tight angle off the frame of the goal. “Two teams playing without a defence at Old Trafford today,” writes Adam Roberts. “I’m not sure it’s a trend that will catch on.” Wolves 0-0 Luton. A couple of chances in short order for Hwang Hee-chan. Luton had started brightly, though, as Mary Waltz, reporting from Molineux via California, reports: “There is nothing like a team facing the Sword of Damocles pressure of relegation. Ross Barkley came close to scoring with a laser shot on goal.” GOAL! Livingston 1-0 Ross County (Anderson 12). Should the Staggies win today, they’ll send Livi down. But the home side have taken an early lead. Victory would only delay the inevitable, but it’d be something. Fulham 0-0 Crystal Palace. A big shout for a penalty as Daniel Munoz goes over. The referee’s not interested, VAR has a look, and there’s nothing doing. Manchester United 0-0 Burnley. It’s been a wide open start at Old Trafford with chances at both ends. David Fofana, Antony and Christian Eriksen all going close. GOAL! Newcastle United 0-1 Sheffield United (Ahmedhodžić 5) Well, well, well! Newcastle start slowly and with great uncertainty. Sheffield United eventually force a corner. Ollie Arblaster takes, Anel Ahmedhodžić heads home, and the Blades aren’t going down without a fight! Newcastle United 0-0 Sheffield United. Nothing much going on at St James’ Park at the moment. Should the Toon win as expected, Sheffield United’s relegation will be confirmed today. Before the goals start flying in, if they start flying in, here’s our regular missive from our regular tangerine-tinged correspondent Simon McMahon. “It’s party time in Dundee today after DUNDEE UNITED confirmed they will be promoted as CHAMPIONS after last night’s hard fought 0-0 draw at Airdrie. To be fair, the players looked as though they’d been partying hard for most of the week after the win over Ayr at Tannadice last Saturday all but clinched the title, but having spent four seasons in the Scottish Championship the last time we were relegated in 2016, an immediate return to the top flight is not to be sniffed at. The dream of a 10th place finish in next season’s Scottish Premier is now very much alive. I think there are some games on today, but after last night, like the great Spartacus Mills said, everything else is a footnote.” Here we go! Matches kicking off all over the land. FULL TIME: West Ham United 2-2 Liverpool. Jacob Steinberg was at the London Stadium this lunchtime, to witness what was surely the end of Liverpool’s title challenge. Here’s his report. The final round of fixtures in League One are complete. Derby County are promoted as a result of their home victory over Carlisle, while Oxford and Barnsley confirm their spots in the play-offs. Barnsley only just made it through, despite conceding a 96th-minute equaliser, as Lincoln and Blackpool both failed to win. Cheltenham’s defeat at Stevenage condemns them to fourth-tier football next season. Barnsley 1-1 Northampton Town Derby County 2-0 Carlisle United Exeter City 1-2 Oxford United Fleetwood Town 3-0 Burton Albion Lincoln City 0-2 Portsmouth Peterborough United 3-3 Bolton Wanderers Port Vale 0-0 Cambridge United Reading 3-2 Blackpool Shrewsbury Town 1-3 Leyton Orient Stevenage 2-1 Cheltenham Town Wigan Athletic 2-0 Bristol Rovers Wycombe Wanderers 1-0 Charlton Athletic FULL TIME: West Ham United 2-2 Liverpool It’s all over at the London Stadium, and a draw is no good for either Liverpool or West Ham. Liverpool’s slim chances of the title are all but extinguished, while West Ham are unlikely to be playing European football next season. With the jig as good as up for both of them, now’s as good a time as any to take a look at the Premier League table going into the 3pm kick-offs. There’s some hot Premier League action going on right now. Barry Glendenning has the details of what looks like the last few minutes of Liverpool’s title challenge. It’s currently 2-2 at the London Stadium as the match heads into injury time. Wolverhampton Wanderers make three changes from their 1-0 defeat against Bournemouth. Matt Doherty, Boubacar Traore and Matheus Cunha come in for Tommy Doyle and Pablo Sarabia, who drop to the bench, and the hamstrung Santiago Bueno. Luton Town have lost their last two matches, against Manchester City and Brentford, 5-1. They make just one change from the latter, Daiki Hashioka replacing the injured Issa Kabore. Newcastle United make two changes in the wake of their midweek 2-0 defeat at Crystal Palace. Lewis Hall and Tino Livramento replace Emil Krafth and Harvey Barnes, who both drop to the bench. Sheffield United are unchanged. They name the same starting XI that began the aforementioned 4-2 defeat at Old Trafford. Manchester United are unchanged after their 4-2 win over Sheffield United. You’d trot out the old “if it" ain’t broke …” observation, but, well, y’know. Mason Mount is back on the bench. Burnley make just one change after their own rout of Sheffield United, a 4-1 win at Bramall Lane last weekend. David Datro Fofana takes Charlie Taylor’s spot up front; Taylor drops to the bench. Fulham make two changes to their starting XI after the 3-1 home defeat to Liverpool. Issa Diop and Harrison Reed are in; Sasa Lukic drops to the bench while Tosin Adarabioyo – who according to reports we can now describe as “wantaway” – misses out altogether. Crystal Palace, looking to make it four wins on the bounce, make one change, and it’s enforced. Eberechi Eze has a knee injury so Michael Olise takes his place. Premier League teams Fulham: Leno, Castagne, Diop, Bassey, Robinson, Joao Palhinha, Reed, Iwobi, Andreas Pereira, De Cordova-Reid, Rodrigo Muniz. Subs: Rodak, Tete, Wilson, Broja, Cairney, Traore, Ream, Willian, Lukic. Crystal Palace: Henderson, Clyne, Andersen, Richards, Munoz, Wharton, Hughes, Mitchell, Ayew, Olise, Mateta. Subs: Ward, Tomkins, Schlupp, Edouard, Ahamada, Matthews, Riedewald, Rak-Sakyi, Ozoh. Manchester United: Onana, Wan-Bissaka, Casemiro, Maguire, Dalot, Mainoo, Eriksen, Antony, Bruno Fernandes, Garnacho, Hojlund. Subs: Bayindir, Amrabat, Mount, Diallo, McTominay, Forson, Amass, Jackson, Wheatley. Burnley: Muric, Assignon, O’Shea, Esteve, Vitinho, Foster, Berge, Cullen, Bruun Larsen, Odobert, Fofana. Subs: Trafford, Taylor, Gudmundsson, Brownhill, Rodriguez, Benson, Ekdal, Amdouni, Ndayishimiye. Newcastle United: Dubravka, Livramento, Schar, Burn, Hall, Longstaff, Bruno Guimaraes, Anderson, Jacob Murphy, Isak, Gordon. Subs: Dummett, Wilson, Ritchie, Barnes, Krafth, Karius, White, Alex Murphy, Parkinson. Sheffield United: Foderingham, Holgate, Ahmedhodzic, Trusty, Bogle, Hamer, Arblaster, Brooks, Osborn, Archer, Brereton. Subs: Grbic, Norwood, Robinson, Vinicius Souza, Ben Slimane, Larouci, Curtis, Osula, Marsh. Wolverhampton Wanderers: Jose Sa, Nelson Semedo, Kilman, Gomes, Doherty, Traore, Ait Nouri, Joao Gomes, Mario Lemina, Hwang, Matheus Cunha. Subs: Hugo Bueno, Doyle, Sarabia, Bentley, Gonzalez, Barnett, Okoduwa, Chirewa, Fraser. Luton Town: Kaminski, Burke, Mengi, Osho, Hashioka, Sambi Lokonga, Barkley, Doughty, Clark, Chong, Morris. Subs: Shea, Berry, Woodrow, Adebayo, Mpanzu, Krul, Townsend, Onyedinma, Johnson. Preamble Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! Goals! * * There may or may not be goals Fulham v Crystal Palace Manchester United v Burnley Newcastle United v Sheffield United Wolverhampton Wanderers v Luton Town Kick off is at 3pm. Other matches are available. We’ll see about those.