That, dear friends, is all we have time for. Please join Scott Murray, the finest MBMer in the observable universe, for Aston Villa v Arsenal at 5.30pm. Goodnight! Match report: Brighton 1-1 Burnley Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth Jamie Jackson was at Old Trafford to see an historic victory for the Premier League’s form side. Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Will Unwin was at Molineux to see Nottingham Forest keep Steve Cooper in a job (probably/hopefully). This is a startling statistic Full time: Real Betis 1-1 Real Madrid A classy goal from Jude Bellingham wasn’t enough to give Real Madrid victory at Real Betis. In case you missed it Presented without comment Manchester United now have a worse goal difference than Everton. “If it’s any consolation, Rob,” begins Simon McMahon, “at least Dundee United won to go back top of the league.” The story of the day has been written by Bournemouth. But the game of the day is still to come. Scott Murray has team news ahead of a potential humdinger at Villa Park. The updated Premier League table Full-time scores They’re still playing in Andalucia, where Real Betis are drawing 1-1 with Real Madrid, but the 3pm games are done and dusted. These are the final scores in our featured games. Premier League Crystal Palace 1-2 Liverpool Brighton 1-1 Burnley Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Championship Blackburn 0-2 Leeds Leicester 4-0 Plymouth Middlesbrough 0-2 Ipswich Scottish Premiership Rangers 3-1 Dundee Bundesliga Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich Full time: Manchester United 0-3 Bournemouth Let’s not get carried away: this is only one of the greatest days in Bournemouth’s history. Their first ever victory at Old Trafford was spectacular and ultimately emphatic, and they have now taken 13 points from the last five games. Full time: Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Forest stop the rot with a good draw at Molineux. That should, if reports are accurate, be enough to save Steve Cooper’s job. Full time: Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford James McAtee’s magnificent goal has given Sheffield United a crucial victory at Bramall Lane. Chris Wilder is back. Full time: Brighton 1-1 Burnley A very good point for Burnley, who withstood a second-half battering at the Amex. NO GOAL! Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth VAR spotted an accidental handball by Ouattara, so the goal has been ruled out. Bournemouth will have to settle for a modest 3-0 victory. GOAL! Man Utd 0-4 Bournemouth (Ouattara 90+4) I can’t spake! The substitute Dango Ouattara has scored a fourth goal for Bournemouth! Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth It sounds like Bruno Fernandes was lucky not to get a second yellow card for a petulant kick at Adam Smith. Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford As things stand Sheffield United are still bottom, but this would be a huge victory for them. “£100m for Rashford?” says Bob Coyne. “What are you smoking over there emoji emoji.” You don’t think PSG would pay £100m for him? Match report: Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich “There’s no point sacking ten Hag at this point in time, the bigger issues are above him,” writes Mark Gillespie. “No serious club gives the manager as much control as he seems to have over signings (as shown by how many of is former players come in), and he didn’t have that control at Ajax. They’ve also bought a centre forward for the future because they couldn’t afford the wages of the finished article, then wonder why he isn’t playing like Harry Kane. “Get the structure right above him (a proper footballing director of football, with a control over football operations including transfers and style of play) then look at who fits that in terms of both players and manager. If it’s ten Hag, great, if not fine, but there’s no shortcut, the dressing room clear out with a vision for who comes in is needed and won’t be quick.” I’d agree with all of that, though I do think ten Hag’s brain is becoming scrambled and it’s a long way back once that happens. Ralf Rangnick wasn’t wrong about the state of the club, was he. Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth Bruno Fernandes has been booked for dissent, which means he’ll miss next weekend’s defeat at Anfield. United are having the day from hell. Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth “I am slightly bewildered how a player who looked so imperious at the Human Rights World Cup™ can look like a novice, a work experience kid, a trainee,” writes Alex Whitney. “Amrabat was yards away from his man on that 3rd Bournemouth goal. In the 3 or so MU matches I’ve seen him feature, he just doesn’t seem to get it.” It’s weird, isn’t it. I think he’s an excellent player. More importantly so does Jurgen Klopp, who is a very good judge of a central midfielder and was desperate to sign him. He’s not the only one either. Old Trafford has become a Bermuda Triangle. The latest scores in our featured games Premier League Crystal Palace 1-2 Liverpool (FT) Brighton 1-1 Burnley Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Championship Blackburn 0-2 Leeds (FT) Leicester 4-0 Plymouth Middlesbrough 0-2 Ipswich Scottish Premiership Rangers 3-1 Dundee Bundesliga Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich (FT) La Liga Real Betis 1-1 Real Madrid (3.15pm) GOAL! Real Betis 1-1 Real Madrid (Ruibal 67) Well, well. Aitor Ruibal has equalised for Betis against Jude Bellingham Team. If it stays like this, Girona will have the chance to go top of the La Liga when they visit Barcelona tomorrow. GOAL! Brighton 1-1 Burnley (Adingra 77) Simon Adingra, the new poster boy for Brighton’s scouting algorithm, has equalised at the Amex Stadium. Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth “That racehorse eh?” sniffs Niall Mullen. GOAL! Man Utd 0-3 Bournemouth (Senesi 73) My days. On the 34th anniversary of ta-ra Fergie, another Manchester United manager is having a truly miserable Saturday afternoon at Old Trafford. Marcos Senesi has headed Bournemouth into a three-goal lead, and their first-ever victory at Old Trafford is surely a done deal. Iraola out! Full time: Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich This game ended ages ago but I was drowning in goals elsewhere. Talking of which… GOAL! Middlesbrough 0-2 Ipswich (Hutchinson 67) Ipswich are heading for their sixth away win of the season. GOAL! Man Utd 0-2 Bournemouth (Billing 68) Pass the Crisis Baton™: Bournemouth have gone 2-0 up at Old Trafford! GOAL! Real Betis 0-1 Real Madrid (Yep 53) Jude Bellingham breaks the deadlock in Andalucia with a superb goal, his 16th of the season. He cut inside from the left, played a square pass to Brahim Diaz and kept running. Diaz played a golf shot over the defence that Bellingham controlled on the chest and slipped past the keeper, all in one smooth, imperious movement. Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth “Happy holidays!” writes Liz White. “Re: sacking Ten Hag, I also vote ‘why bother?’ Who would they replace him with? United might have a little new manager bump, but then it’ll be more of the same or worse. Stick with him.” Yes I’d give him until at least the end of the season, although there have been a few recent hints that the job is starting to overwhelm him. As scruffy as United have been this season, you can’t ignore the impact of injuries. Lisandro Martinez has been a particularly big loss. I would start by selling Marcus Rashford in January, if they can get at least £100m, and buying a right-back and a right-winger. They really missed a trick by not going for Tino Livramento in the summer. Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth Bournemouth are 30 minutes away from history: their first ever victory at Old Trafford. The next Manchester United manager “Yes, we’ve all made ‘Give it Big Sam’ jokes, but at this point, I can’t really think of a better option,” says Matt Dony. “Huge, confident personality, not afraid to lay the smack down in the dressing room. He might not have managed a club of that size, but he has managed truly elite players. And he’s certainly not afraid of the media spotlight. It’s sort of hard to tell, but I don’t think I’m joking.” Have you been enjoying another Laphroaig brunch? WSL match report: Man City 2-1 Aston Villa The latest scores in our featured games Premier League Crystal Palace 1-2 Liverpool (FT) Brighton 0-1 Burnley Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Championship Blackburn 0-2 Leeds (FT) Leicester 4-0 Plymouth Middlesbrough 0-1 Ipswich Scottish Premiership Rangers 3-1 Dundee Bundesliga Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich (2.30pm) La Liga Real Betis 0-0 Real Madrid (3.15pm) Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth “Watching the United game, it’s clear that it no longer matters how well or badly poor old André Onana actually performs,” writes Robert Wilson. “That defence is playing like they have an elderly badger in goal. Zero trust or confidence. It can’t help. It’s basically a goal a game (it used to be called the Gary Sprake Rule). It’s adding greatly to the gaiety of nations.” GOAL! Leicester 4-0 Plymouth (Ndidi 55) Leicester are running riot now. Wilfred Ndidi has scored their third goal in the space of seven minutes at the King Power Stadium. GOAL! Leicester 3-0 Plymouth (Mavididi 52) Stephy Mavididi gets his second, a swaggering individual goal, to put Leicester 3-0 ahead. They are an exceedingly good association football outfit. Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern “Eintracht Frankfurt’s performance hasn’t come out of nowhere, but they’ve been patchy this season and drawn more games than they’ve won,” writes Kári Tulinius. “Today they’ve looked like the Europa League-winning side of two seasons ago. Bayern haven’t been good, but the Eagles deserve more credit than the Bavarians deserve blame.” I’m sure you’re right, not least because you’re able to watch the actual game, but Upamecano’s part in that fourth goal… On Frankfurt, has Knauff been as good as he looked during that Europa League campaign? GOAL! Leicester 2-0 Plymouth (Daka 49) Patson Daka gets his first goal of the season, finishing easily after a lovely flick from Issahaku Fatawu. Leicester are cruising to victory/promotion. “On Ten Hag, I’ve changed my mind midway through this season,” says Digvijay Yadav. “I don’t want him sacked. What’s the point? When homegrown academy products can’t be arsed to apply themselves with dedication (like against Newcastle) then what good is it changing a manager? He is by all accounts a good coach and his previous club have found it onerously hard to replace him. Might as well stick with him and break this pernicious cycle.” Half time: Real Betis 0-0 Real Madrid It sounds like that was a pretty quiet first half in Andalucia. Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern The last time Bayern conceded five goals in a game was, yep, away to Eintracht Frankfurt. Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth “What is everyone waiting for: Ten Hag has to go,” says Jeff Sax. “Enough is enough.” He’s the manager of the month! (Rightly or wrongly, I suspect he’ll be gone by February. But who the hell would go near that job?) Peep peep! It’s half-time in the 3pm games, so it’s a good time to remind you of the latest scores in all our featured games. Premier League Crystal Palace 1-2 Liverpool (FT) Brighton 0-1 Burnley Man Utd 0-1 Bournemouth Sheff Utd 1-0 Brentford Wolves 1-1 Nottm Forest Championship Blackburn 0-2 Leeds (FT) Leicester 1-0 Plymouth Middlesbrough 0-1 Ipswich Scottish Premiership Rangers 3-1 Dundee Bundesliga Eintracht Frankfurt 5-1 Bayern Munich (2.30pm) La Liga Real Betis 0-0 Real Madrid (3.15pm)